Day 335: Too early...

So here I find myself, another one of those mornings where I woke up at some ungodly hour, unable to fall back to sleep.  What to do?  I know some folks will just lie there, holding their pillow in some kind of death grip trying to will themselves back to sleep.  Others might turn on the TV and catch up on all their infomercials and possibly convince themselves to buy that combo vacuum/nose hair remover/juicer.  Still others will pick up a book and read.  When I belonged to 24 Hour Fitness there were several occasions where I would just head to the gym.  Nothing like having the place all to yourself at 2:00AM.  But my gym now doesn't open for a couple more hours.  So what does a photographer do?  Well this particular creature of the night grabbed his camera, tripod and hoodie and decided to capture a few pictures of the moon that was beaming into his bedroom window.  It was mostly a clear night but I could tell very thin clouds were making their way across the sky as a rather large, hazy halo was starting to form around this gray ball.  Oh well, at least I managed to get a couple shots. 

Hey, it's Friday and this exceptionally long week is nearly done.  Just a few meetings this morning and then I can move on to my real life.  Hard to believe this is it for November.  Seems like I was just complaining about the summer heat in August.  Now if we could only get some snow.  Come on, Mama Nature, do me a solid. 

Day 334: My favorite things...

Every so often we all get a song stuck in our heads. Unfortunately the types of songs that become ingrained in our minds tend to be those cheesy bubble gum jingles that serve as a type of self induced torture that linger for several hours. It’s only by the shear grace of God that the song finally fades away and those tormenting voices return. Oh, wait, that’s just me.

The last couple of days I’ve been attending a business conference across town and in order to deal with the madness of the commute I’ve been listening to that soft rock radio station that is now playing nothing but Christmas music. I’ve noticed that this year they’ve been playing songs from “The Sound of Music”. Seems odd to me because I’ve never considered “The Sound of Music” as a holiday movie/musical but I’m not about to complain here. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not a closet fan of the musical. On the contrary I’ve come out in a BIG way. Whenever I go to the Bavarian Grill in Plano, Texas, I’m the one that requests “Edelweiss” and “The Lonely Goatherd”. Unfortunately for my dinner companions they have to listen to my rendition of those Rogers and Hammerstein classics. Personally I think I sound great but that could just be the bier talking.

So this morning I was driving into work and “My Favorite Things” came on the radio. Of course that led to an impromptu duet between Julie Andrews and me and I must say I rocked that song. Suffice it to say that song is now embedded in my psyche. Hey, it could be worse. It could be “867-5309” or “Oh Mickey”. But “My Favorite Things” is a great song. Besides being a beautiful melody it also helps to remind me of all the wonderful things I have in my life. I’m not really a fan of cream colored ponies and warm woolen mittens really don’t keep my hands warm but I do have a list of my favorite things and it’s always nice to remind myself of those things, especially when I’ve got a case of the “funk”. So when times are stressful or you feel there’s a cloud over your life, take a few minutes to remind yourself of the things that matter most to you.

Day 333: From the mind of a Chihuahua

It never ceases to amaze me how unappreciated I am around here.  I’m an integral part of this family but you guys treat me like I’m a dog.  Hey, in the middle of the night when I have to “go”, do I wake you up?  No!  Because I don’t want to disturb you and I’m just trying to be considerate which is more than I can say for you.  When you guys get out of bed you flip me off my pillow and rearrange the sheets.  How would you like it if someone came in and yank you out of bed and made you go to the bathroom?  And what’s the big deal about pooping in the house?  You guys do it!  I don’t hide in some little room like you.  I’ll take care of business in the middle of the room so you know what you need to clean up.  Hey I could’ve pooped behind the recliner or the large planter.  I would think you’d be a bit more appreciative.  Instead dad starts screaming at me, “BELLE!  Blah blah blaaaah blah blah blah blaaaah Belle blah blah blah blah!”  Honestly, I have no clue what you’re saying but based on that large vain protruding from your forehead I would guess you’re pretty upset about something.  The poop is right there right in the middle of the room so you can find it and take care of it.  Am I supposed to do everything around here?  Look the doggie door is for the dogs.  I don’t see either of you using it so why the hell should I?  It wasn’t me that put the door knob so high up the door so the least you could do is open the door for me.  And if I have to take care of business outside in the snow and cold, the least you could do is clear a path through the snow to a spot under the tree so I can go to bathroom without sticking my butt in the freezing snow.  I’d like to see you guys do that.  And really, after all these years, you’d think that you guys would put my food bowl in the middle of the family room where it belongs.  Why do you think I carry my food from the kitchen to the family room?  You guys do it.  Hey, if it’s good enough for you to eat in the family room, why not me?  And let’s remember, I looked the other way when you brought home those dogs.  Come on, a poodle and a golden lab?  Who does that?  Hey, we were happy once when it was just the three of us and those two moody girls.  That neurotic poodle of yours and that dim-witted golden lab make so much noise over the littlest things.  Honestly how am I supposed to sleep?  They start barking and as a favor to you I let you know that they’re barking and that you need to do something about it.  They’re not my dogs so why should I have to deal with them?  And when someone comes to the door, who lets you know there’s a visitor?  Me!  Again, what thanks do I get?  The two of you yelling at me in some crazy language.  Just speak to me like an adult.  Say “thank you” now and then.  I really wonder about your upbringing.  Sometimes you guys can be so rude.  And Dad, I only sleep on your pillow because I want to keep it warm for you.  All this yelling is so hurtful.  You guys walk around so moody sometimes and all I try to do is show you that you’re loved but you keeping pushing me aside.  I’ve seen you two kiss.  I’m just doing what you guys do.  Hey, if we’re going to make things work around here there needs to be some mutual respect and appreciation.  You guys are lucky to have me because I could easily find another family that would like a loving and helpful member of the family.  Just get rid of those dogs and I think it’ll make us much happier family. 

Day 332: Hunker down...

I can tell the pressures of the holiday season are starting to bear down on many of us.  Aggravation, despair, anxiety, all part of the joys of the season, or so it seems.  "Red sky in the morning, sailor take warning."  Red sky or blue, it really makes no difference.  Life is what lies ahead for each of us.  What makes it good or bad is our personal judgement and perception.  Every day brings new beginnings.  We hold onto worry, resentment, fear, uncertainty and anger far more than we do love, compassion, forgiveness and hope.  If nothing else, cling to hope and let love remain in your heart, even when you feel there is no earthly reason to do so.  Trust that even as chaos reigns around us that life will come together peacefully and true happiness will be yours.  It's there.  You just need to accept it and let it be so.

Day 331: 'O Holy Night...

For as long as I can remember one of my favorite hymns during Christmas time has been "O Holy Night".  I've always loved the melody but it wasn't until a Pastor at Mariner's Church did a sermon on that hymn that I really came to appreciate and understand the lyrics.  It truly is powerful and inspiring, well beyond my ability to describe it.  I'm hearing it a lot these days on the radio as we inch closer to Christmas.  For me it really captures the spirit of Christmas, far beyond the super sales, food feasts and general holiday mayhem.

I'm providing the first verse of the lyrics here.  Hopefully without the music you'll be able to read these words and perhaps it might have some meaning for you.  Don't worry if it doesn't.  This isn't a test of faith or an indictment to those who have none.  Just wanted to share a little Christmas spirit. 

'O Holy Night

Adolphe Adam

"O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,

It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,

'Til He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! O hear the angel voices!

O night divine, O night when Christ was born;

O night divine, O night, O night Divine."

Day 330: A promise for tomorrow...

We all struggle at times with letting go.  The loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, a missed opportunity.  Even just seeing the end of a beautiful day will bring a little bit of melancholy to our spirits. But an ending only means there's a new beginning on the horizon.  What seems like dark times now is only a prelude to the brilliance and warmth of tomorrow.  Don't despair but rather look upon with great fondness and gratitude the wonderful experiences you had and always know in your mind and in your heart that joy is waiting for you at the next sunrise.

Day 329: Quiet times...

I've always enjoyed beach, really early in the morning right around sunrise.  Just you, all alone and only the sound of the rhythmic crashing of the waves on the shore and every once in a while the barking of sea lions or the screeching of seagulls over head.  Death Valley is another one of my favorite places for quiet time.  Out there the only sound you hear is the wind blowing through the sage brush and an occasional howl from a coyote.  Our friends have this amazing rustic cabin up in Sugarloaf above Boulder.  It's nestle along a gentle flowing creek and the only sounds you hear are the water cascading over the rocks and the wind blowing through the evergreens.  It's so peaceful and serene. 

For most of us it's hard to find those quiet times and with the holidays fast approaching you're more likely to find Jimmy Hoffa and Big Foot sharing a pizza with Elvis than having 10 minutes all to yourself.  Most of us live in suburbia and don't have the advantages of the wilderness right outside our back doors to look for solitude.  I know you moms out there with your darling little rug rats find it very difficult to have quiet times except when everyone has gone down for a nap.  But if we do try to find that elusive quiet time we typically escape to our basements or bedrooms because life requires us to be close at hand.  We might turn on one of those radios with the nature sounds, perhaps light a candle or burn some incense and hopefully for the next 30 minutes to an hour we can be alone in our thoughts and dreams.  For just a brief moment the outside world will be put on hold and all the drama that consumes our lives will fade away. 

So with everyone running around frantically trying to find that perfect Christmas gift for someone, I hope one of your gifts will be to take some time for you.  It's not a selfish thing but any stretch of the imagination and don't be guilted into thinking you don't deserve it because you do.  Take some time just for you.  Trust me life will go on.  Your spouse and kids WILL survive on their own for an hour.  The sun will rise and set.  You'll feel better, more grounded and in control of a life you sometimes feel is not yours to command.  As you take care of life and your loved ones, remember to take care of you.

Day 328: Fate worse than death...

I've never been a big fan of shopping, especially during the holidays.  Too many sales reps asking if you need help when you don't and no one around for miles when you do.  And the crowds.  The annoying, obnoxious crowds who meander around like zombies, constantly underfoot and completely unaware of anything or anyone around them.  On the off chance that I do need to venture out into the wilds of the shopping malls I move fast and light.  I know exactly what I need to get and where to find it so stay the hell out of my way.  I think as a courtesy to us shoppers who know what they're doing they should have a designated time called "Fast Shopper".  All the meanderers and their snot-nosed screaming kids can wait outside while the rest of us who have a purpose in life can take care of business.  Trust me, I don't want to be in that mall any longer than necessary so let me get what I need and get the hell out.

Kinda sad to think about those folks that set up camp outside a Best Buy or a Sears a night or two before Thanksgiving  waiting for the midnight sales to kick off.  After last night's Thanksgiving feast with friends I could barely muster enough thought and energy this morning to start the coffee let alone consider going out among the savages to shop.  Last night I actually woke up at 12:10 AM and looking at the clock I thought about those folks who were just then scurrying through the stores trying to find that best deal.  I was lying there still bloated from food and wine and couldn't imagine getting my lazy ass out of bed just to go buy an appliance at 12:30 in the morning.

I know some folks really enjoy the whole Black Friday shopping thing but what a drag to miss out on a wonderful evening with family and friends just to go buy stuff.  Yeah, there are some that can probably do both feasting and shopping but they've got to be superhuman.  I would guess many forgo the feast and focus on shopping.  To each his own, I guess.  But the things we buy only have a short lifespan and in most cases won't retain any real value over time and will be soon forgotten.  Memories of an afternoon preparing the Thanksgiving meal in the kitchen, lounging around the TV watching football, sitting at the dinner table talking, laughing, eating and drinking will stay with us for years to come.  You really can't put a price tag on something like that.  I miss spending Thanksgiving with my parents, sisters and my Sam but being able to join our friends for a wonderful evening just reminds me that family isn't just those who share a similar DNA.  I consider myself incredibly blessed that there are so many wonderful people in my life and as far as I'm concerned they're all family to me.

Like most of you we have our fair share of leftovers.  I won't even begin to describe the bowl of mashed potatoes we had prepared.  Let's just say it nearly exceeded the load baring capacity of the dinner table.  So today is going to be a day of recovery and a chance to reflect on the wonderful evening we had last night and bask in the warmth of being part of a cherished family.  Oh, by the way Mr. Light Rock Radio Station.... NOW you can start playing Christmas music.

Day 327: Happy Thanksgiving!

Day 326: Readings from The Book of Marriage...

From the Book of Marriage, Chapter 6, verses 17 through 32.

And the woman said onto her husband, "Go and dwell in the land of Safeway and bring forth the following... flour, vanilla, cream, cranberries, broth, onions. And the husband did so, for he feared her wrath and the football game wasn't going to start for another hour. 

Upon entering the land of Safeway the husband became confused and overwhelmed by the bounty of foodstuffs that lay before him.  He spoke onto his wife (via cell phone), "I beseech thee, my wife, for I have no clue where to find that which you commanded me to buy."  With great scorn and hell fire the wife said, "Oh for the love of God, just ask someone and stop bothering me with your stupid questions." 

And because the husband does not like to ask directions, he instead looked upon the store directory and could not find those foods for which his wife had required.  As the husband crumbled to the floor in frustration an angel of the Safeway said onto him, "Fear not, my child, for that which you seek is on aisle 9".  And so the husband dwelled in the land of aisle 9 and became melancholy for the wife had said, "get some flour", and before him was many a flour such as organic, gluten free, rice, pastry and instant.  Despair and anxiety overcame the husband for he knew that to call upon his wife may bring rage and eternal celibacy, at least for tonight.  He looked around and found that he was among other such husbands who were also full of despair and melancholy.  With great trepidation the husband grabbed the organic flour and prayed "Shit, I hope this is right." 

The husband continued forward, ever forward, neither blessing nor cursing the power (aka, wife) which compelled him towards unknown aisles.  Upon entering a new aisle the husband was again filled with despair and melancholy, for as he was commanded to "pick up some broth" he found great quantities of broth labeled chicken, beef, stock, and vegetable.  Again he prayed "What the hell!?" and choose the broth of the chicken.  Many more times the husband was faced with choices.  When he came upon the cream he found whipped, heavy whipped, and whipping cream.  When he came upon vanilla he found pure, imitation and extract.

In time the husband found every foodstuff his wife had so desired.  Even though there were only a few items of food that the wife needed, the husband, in fear for his soul, bought every type of those foods in hopes that what he returned to her would bring joy to his household, or at least keep him out of trouble.  Upon returning to his dwelling the wife said onto her husband, "What the hell were you thinking?"  The husband was again filled with sorrow for his wife no longer looked upon him with favor.  And the husband said onto his wife, "Look upon me no more, or at least for the next four hours while the game is on, for I have displeased you and I shall dwell in my man cave with beer and TV remote as my only companions."  And the husband did so and there was peace, at least for a while.


Amen

Day 325: The Filter...

So this is day 1 of a couple days of vacation, all leading up to Thanksgiving.  Like many men on their days off, mine was dictated to me by the women in my life.  First there was the beatings this morning at the hands of my trainer.  After that, it was running errands with my wife.  Yeah, you're thinking, "Uh oh, here comes the sarcasm."  Ok, there might be a little but believe it or not I actually like running errands with my wife, except when I'm tired and hungry.  Remember "Mr. Cranky Pants"? 

Running errands is usually pretty fun.  It's rather mindless work which plays right into my wheel house.  Push the cart and pay the bill.  Easy peezy.  Only when my wife asks my opinion on something does it become a stressful endeavor.  Hey, let's be honest here, I can give a spontaneous answer to one of her questions but it will almost always be wrong.  How so you ask?  And how can you screw up a response to a question like "what kind of tissues should we get?"  Trust me, the pitfalls are many and not easily recognizable.  Most married men know this.  It's you single guys that are clueless.  Before you respond to any question one must use "the filter".  All questions, no matter how mundane, are run through the filter.  How does it work?  Simple.  Just turn everything back into a question.  Here's an example...

Without the filter:
Her - "What reading glasses should I get?"
Him - "The blue ones."
BUZZZZZZZZZ!  Ohhhh, sorry, that wasn't the answer we were looking for.  But we do have a parting gift for you, a free copy of "Women are from Venus and Men are Screwed". 
* A side note, giving a wrong answer is one thing.  Saying "I don't care" will pretty much guarantee you a day of wondering why your wife is mad at you. 

With the filter:
Her - "What reading glasses should I get?"
Him - "Well, honey, there are so many wonderful glasses to choose from.  Would these glasses be worn in public or just at home?  Which ones show off your eyes better?  What style do you like?  Do you like the ones that come with a case?  Should you get more than one pair?

DING, DING, DING!!  Perfect!  No matter what the selection, you won't be held liable for a bad choice of glasses because you didn't make the selection.  Now you probably think I'm being all insensitive but on the contrary.  Remember guys, women really don't want the answer, they just want you to be engaged in the conversation.  When you think about it no one really wants to be told what's what.  And when it comes to having a successful marriage there is only one thing you need to know....

Happy wife, happy life.

Day 324: Keep it movin'...

We're inching another day closer to the mother of all feasts.  This is the time for giving thanks and I know for some it can be a struggle to come up with something meaningful to say in terms of the things we're thankful for.  Don't you just love when you're sitting there at the Thanksgiving dinner table and you're about to do some serious damage to that succulent turkey when someone blurts out, "Let's all share something we're thankful for."  Ugh!  Really?  I didn't know there was going to be a test.  Even though it may be true it seems that just saying you're thankful for your family and friends or having a job seems kinda lame and lacks imagination.  The alternative is to come off like a Baptist preacher and other than garnering a few awkward stares from those around the table, it's really not you either.  So here's a thought.  Just say you're thankful for "motion".  No, not like "motion of the ocean".  And saying that as you give your second cousin a little wink is just wrong on so many levels.  No, just say "motion".  And what I mean is the motion of life.  Everything is always in motion even when you feel like your life is stagnating.  Life is constantly changing, as evidenced by the seasons.  Well, maybe not in Southern California where the thermostat is set at a constant 83 degrees with clear, sunny skies.  But people come and go in your life providing you new and wonderful experiences and opportunities for growth.  New challenges present themselves in your job and in your relationships.  Something is always happening.  Imagine a life where nothing happens, where all things remain the same.  No joys, no hardships, no memories.  So as you unzip your pants and pour another glass of wine, just be thankful that life is always moving, always changing and that you're a significant part of it.  Cheers!

Day 323: Being silent and still...

Gratitude seems to be the word these days.  So much of what I see, read and hear is all about being grateful for the lives we have.  Aside from so many other things, this morning I was grateful to have some quite time with Sophie hiking up in Chautauqua Park, just the two of us.  I had my camera (hey, it's still a photo blog) but I took very few photos.  It was nice being out there with my favorite hiking buddy, being silent and still, stopping often just to look around and taking it all in and reflecting on all the things I'm so grateful for.  Yeah, today is turning out to be one of those days where I just have to set everything aside, stop fighting with the world and enjoy the wonderful things around me and the peaceful moments of contentment.   

Day 322: Today I will...

...Let go of the things that don't serve me.  Appreciate the blessings that are continually showered upon me.  Look, listen and experience life as it plays out before me and know that I'm not just an observer but an active player.  Be the best version of myself.  Remind others of the magnificence within them.  Be the solution, not the problem.  Express gratitude.  Laugh.  Smile.  Love.

Day 321: Same thing, different day...

You'd think with it being a Friday I'd be all peachy keen jelly bean but the funk knows not the days of the week.  Unfortunately it's the same story just a different day.  Julie was suppose to come home today after visiting her ill father for the second time.  Things were looking much better for him, not just physically but also for his general well being.  It was originally thought he'd be home by now and Julie would be on a plane heading home herself.  But unfortunately more interventions by those who seek personal gain at the expense of others, especially of a man who's time with us is getting shorter by the day, has put our family plans on hold....Again. 

I know this isn't about me but sitting on the sidelines without the opportunity to get in there and make a difference is driving me nuts.  The best I can do is pray and provide emotional support to a situation that's wrought with high voltage, irrational behavior.  What kind of woman refuses to allow her husband to return to his home to live out his days in peace?  Apparently a good Christian woman and her self-righteous, bible thumping daughter.  And these same two people continue to set up barricades between this man and his REAL children.  Cinderella, honey, you lived a charmed life compared to what's going on in So Cal. 

But Thanksgiving is next week and there is still much to be thankful for.  Even though my Julie won't be here to celebrate it with me, she will be there to celebrate it with her father.  There are still loving friends and family in our lives that bring a brilliance to each day.  I see happy reunions and new additions to families posted on Facebook and it does warm my heart to see so much joy.  We all experience challenges in our lives and this is just one of them.  Guess this one just hurts a little more than the others because it's family.  I know we'll come out of this stronger and wiser.  I really can't bring myself to hate anyone.  All I can do is keep them in my prayers and hope for a time when cooler heads and warmer hearts will prevail. 

I told myself I wouldn't listen to any Christmas music until after Thanksgiving but given the current circumstances I think I'll lift my ban on early holiday music.  Maybe I'll pop in the "Holiday Inn" DVD and get my cheer on.

Day 320: "Extra! Extra!"

A cherry picker cruises down my cul-de-sac at 3:15 this morning to do God knows what.  Of course that means I'm up and sleep is done.  So, might as well turn on the TV.  "Next up, in search of Big Foot".  Yep, that was the first story of the morning news.  And so it begins.  The elections are over and what's topping the news these days?  Besides Big Foot, some crusty old general hopped up on Viagra and a woman with less self-esteem than a meth-head street walker.  No sooner are we deep diving into the real problems of this country that our attentions are diverted to things that have absolutely no bearing on our lives. How the hell does that happen?  With all the crap that's in the "news", have you ever stopped to think, "Is this really newsworthy?"  I'll be honest it hasn't been until recently that I've forced myself to ask that question.  Don't know if it's the conspiracy theorist in me but when I look at CNN and all the other major news providers and all they're talking about are Petraeus and Broadwell, I can't help but think this is a convenient distraction to other more important things that should be foremost in our minds.  All the political issues that only seem to unfold during election years are now conveniently getting shrouded by the comings and goings of frolicking military leaders, Kim K, lottery fraud or a bunch of brooding vampires.  I need to remind myself that whether it's a general with an open fly, an over paid athlete filing bankruptcy or the latest trash movie, it's all media road kill, nothing more.  The next time something sensational hits the streets, I need to ask myself, "why is this important?"  If there's no good answer then I need to go find out what is newsworthy, even if someone else is trying desperately hard to conceal it. 

Day 319: Gym.. not just for sweating

Nothing like getting up at O'dark 30, sifting through your emails before you go to the gym, only to receive a notice that you're restricted from using a particular service because you failed to cancel a previous reservation.  For 14 frickin' days!  What the hell?!  Yeah, I know, in the vast scheme of things this isn't even a zit on the back of a gnat.  I guess what set me off was the whole tone of the message, so heavy handed like I had just killed a baby seal while setting fire to an orphanage.  I work in an environment where policy enforcement is a big part of my job.  The difference is when someone does something wrong at my work we have to make it sound like "Ah shucks, so sorry we have to do this..."  But not with these clowns.  Sanctimonious jerks!

So there I was, 4:20 in the morning stewing over some stupid email.  I was all set to blow off the gym and draft up some scathing letter back to this company but guilt got the better of me so I grabbed my towel and I was off to sweat to the oldies.  Literally, the "oldies".  I've commented a couple of times to management about their music selection at the gym.  Instead of upbeat, classic rock they tend to play stuff like Peaches and Herb, Abba or Herman and the Hermits.  This morning was no different with the slight exception that the tunes were early 80s.  As I was about to elevate my pissy-ness, the song "Come On Eileen" came through the speakers.  That pretty much blew away any foulness I had in me.  Not because I'm some Dexy's Midnight Runners fan.  That song brought back memories of a Thanksgiving years ago.  I had recently divorced and for Thanksgiving my daughter, Sam, and I took a road trip from Orange County up to Minden, Nevada to see my folks.  It was an awesome road trip.  We played nothing but stupid 80s music, laughing and singing the whole way.  It was definitely one of the best times of my life.  Just me and Sam and the open road.

As I may have said before, this year we won't have Sam and Nick with us.  But I will certainly have memories of Thanksgivings past.  I do miss having my girls and the family all together.  Ahhh well, maybe next year.  But at least for now I'm in a much better mood.  Let's see how the rest of the day unfolds.

Day 318: Enough!

So now the news is reporting that there are movements afoot by some to petition for the right to secede from the Union.  Alrighty then!  More impassioned, reactionary posturing by those with more time on their hands than common sense in their head.  I suppose given the fact that I'm blogging about this puts me in the category of whiners as well.

I think most of us are pretty fed up with the whole partisan crap that has this country in a death grip.  You know, regardless of who won the election, tax hikes and spending cuts are inevitable.  All the bad things that would happen if a Democrat or Republican won the presidency will happen.  Thinking that your vote would mean the difference between Armageddon or paradise is pretty naive.  We spend so much time pointing out blame but no one really does much to solve the problem.  It's the Christian Right, the left wing democrats, the filthy rich, immigrants (illegal or otherwise), the gays, the welfare babies, lazy senators, alien visitors, Twinkies, or Ryan Seacrest, take your pick.  Reminds me of a line from the movie, The American President.  "And whatever your particular problem is, I promise you, Bob Rumson is not the least bit interested in solving it. He is interested in two things and two things only: making you afraid of it and telling you who's to blame for it. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win elections."  So is that art imitating life?  You betcha!

Look, regardless of our party affiliations, we're all pretty pissed off right now.  Suffice it to say both sides of the political fence have done their fair share of damage to this great country and to evenly share the blame, we, the American citizenry, have allowed it to go on far too long.  Politicians in Washington are thrilled that we're all bitching and moaning at each other because it keeps the heat off of them.  Instead we need to press, brow beat and bitch slap, if necessary, our elected officials because it is their privilege, not their right, to represent us and because of that they have a tremendous responsibility to US!  We don't serve their needs, they are here to serve ours.  At what point did we forget that?  Don't let them tell you it's the other guy's fault.  Right now it doesn't matter who's to blame.  What matters is righting the ship that has gone aground.  Go and read Harry S. Truman's autobiography, Plain Speaking.  Here was one president who understood that when it comes to politics, the role of the president was not to sit on top of the pyramid.  His role is to stand at the bottom of the INVERTED pyramid because being the president means to be the ultimate servant to your country.

To paraphrase another quote from the movie, I think our politicians are more worried about their jobs rather than doing their jobs.   Enough complaining and finger pointing.  It's time for everyone, all of us, to go to work. 

Day 317: Hope...

"Hope" is the thing with feathers

"Hope" is the thing with feathers --
That perches in the soul --
And sings the tune without the words --
And never stops -- at all --

And sweetest -- in the Gale -- is heard --
And sore must be the storm --
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm --

I've heard it in the chillest land --
And on the strangest Sea --
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb -- of Me."

Emily Dickinson

Day 316: "Present, ARMS!"

Regardless of our politics, the one thing we can stand united together is in the sharing of our undying gratitude towards our nation's veterans.  For without them the luxuries of freedom we so easily take for granted would not be ours to enjoy.  Over the years I've had the extreme privilege of meeting many of our veterans who have served as far back as World War II to the present day conflicts in Iran and Afghanistan.  It seems now, more than ever, we are all touched by the huge sacrifices these men and women make on our behalf.  Many of us have had fathers and grandfathers that have served in past wars.  Now we are seeing fathers and mothers, sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews and dear friends taking up arms in defense of our great country.  Our collective memories fade over time and it's the memory of these great sacrifices we must hold dear to our hearts for if we lose them, we lose ourselves.  If the opportunity is there, take the time to talk to our veterans and if nothing else, remind them of how grateful and indebted we are to them.  Remind them their sacrifices have not been in vain and that this nation embraces them with the love, thanks and absolute devotion to those that serve this nation on our behalf.

Day 315: The usual...

Ok, after 314 posts it's probably pretty clear to many of you that my 365 Photo Blog is stretching the criteria of posting a new photo every day.  I do take pictures every day, some I don't always share.  There are certainly challenges, especially on days like today.  Cold, gray skies with snow flurries.  The trees are bare and most all vegetation is dead and brown.  So my photos may not be all that captivating but I at least try to keep things creative.  That would kind of explain what I've shared today.  As I was out running this morning I was thinking about how this day will unfold and nothing on my agenda seemed remotely interesting.  It was at that moment a thought crossed my mind.

"There are no ordinary moments, no ordinary days".  

I"m not sure who originated that phrase but it really resonates with me.  We all have those days that can be described as mind-numbingly boring or other days that seem to try our souls.  But none of these days are ordinary and the moments we experience every day are unique even if they seem like we've experienced them before.  Think about the beach.  Think about the waves that crash upon the shore.  In many ways they're all just the same but if you ever stop for a moment and watch each wave as it rolls in, you'll quickly realize how unique each one is.  No two waves are ever the same because so many things affect their appearance.  The tide, the wind, the sun, the formation of the beach, there are dozens of things that make each wave unique and because of that uniqueness you could say that each wave is perfect.  So why not look at life the same way?  The events of our day may seem mundane but each is unique and perfect in it's own way.  So many things affect our days as well.  What we see, what we hear, what we feel all influence our perception of the world around us.  So don't ever think there's nothing special going on in your day.  As long as you're a part of it, your day is always special.

Day 314: Going back...

In June of 2009 I pretty much figured I had run my last marathon.  I just completed the Rock and Roll Marathon in San Diego, making my way to Colorado where 14ers and snowboarding would take the place of the pavement pounding I had endured since leaving the Army in 1989.  But since I moved to Colorado that little marathon bug has been nipping at me from time to time.  At first it was easy to ignore as my knees and back reminded me what the cost of 30 marathons has been to my body.   But as I've healed along the way I'm listening less to that bug and more to that inner voice that compels me to visit one of my favorite marathon stomping grounds of all, Death Valley.  It finally became clear to me last night that I would go back.  

The most important part of deciding to do a marathon is having that inner discussion where you can openly and honestly determine if this is something you truly need to do.  I'm intentionally using "need" here instead of "want".  We can want all we want but there's little motivation to push us to achieve anything that we "want".  But when that objective becomes a "need", our motivation and commitment are far stronger.  When you "need" to run a marathon quitting or slacking on your workouts will never be an option.  Workouts become a necessity.  Your diet becomes a necessity.  Making your running a priority is a necessity.  That's why you see so many people fail at the big challenges in their life.  They'll tell you time and again how they want to do this or want to do that and will nearly always fail.  Wanting a new job, wanting to run a marathon, wanting to lose weight, wanting that college degree or wanting to be a more compassionate and forgiving person, they're all just dreams until you change those wants into needs.

So barring any logistical challenges or catastrophic physical hardship, I'll be heading back to Death Valley in December of 2013.  That pretty much gives me a year to ready myself not just for the physical challenges but also the spiritual journey that typically takes a toll on me.  I've mentioned Death Valley before in my blog so if you've read any of those posts you'll know Death Valley holds a significant place in my heart.  I won't go into those details now.  Perhaps another time.  So for now I've set my sights on returning to what I consider very sacred ground and for the next year I'll be focusing my mind, body and spirit on fulling a very personal "need". 

Day 313: Christmas comes early!

Hey we all like to get a little pre-Christmas Christmas gift.  It's kinda like that really great appetizer before the main meal comes.  So my pre-Christmas Christmas gift is a trip to see my Sam.  This whole crap about living in different time zones and what not really sucks and I hardly ever get to see my not-so-little angel.  Unfortunately this will mark the first year ever where we don't get to spend at least one holiday together.  Life has found away to interfere in our family plans so no Thanksgiving or Christmas.  :-(  But I'll be making a trip out to Portlandia next month, a little over a week before Christmas to hang out with my Sam and her boyfriend, Nick, for a couple of days.  I can't wait to see her.  And this time she's actually putting me up in her home (the one she shares with her "man", Nick").  She's become quite the nester so this will be a whole new side of her I haven't ever really seen before.  Ah how times have changed, but always for the good. 

So thank you Santa (aka, Julie) for this wonderful, early Christmas gift!  It is the best gift ever.  Now, if you're still feeling a little generous and if I've been a good boy, I've still got my eye on that wide angle lens.   Just sayin'.....

Day 312: Post-Election Blues...

No matter how things turned out for you during these elections, for me I can honestly say the best thing I experienced throughout this long and arduous process was that we Americans are still a pretty passionate lot.  Even over the years of being numbed to one thing or another, we can still get our dander up over those things we feel are important to us.  I love the fact that my circle of family and friends come from such diverse backgrounds and have very strong beliefs and are not afraid to express them. 

I will say it was a real challenge this time trying to pick the right leader for our country.  I think both candidates brought some good ideas to the table that would certainly help our current predicament. But they also brought a lot of crap as well.  I'm not against a party system but the one we have has morphed into something that offers very few real choices for Americans.  It's an all or nothing proposition.  It's like going to a fast food restaurant and only having two meals to choose from and there are no substitutions.  Why can't we have our politics A la cart?  If there was another candidate that had the positive qualities of both the Romney and Obama platforms I think we would've seen much different results in last night's election. 

I suppose that as long as there's big business and big bucks driving these elections we'll continue to struggle with putting a viable leader in the White House.  Let's face it, the candidates are just figure heads to something much larger and perhaps more sinister. I just wish I knew who or what it was so I'd know where my vote was really going.  But in the mean time, it warms my heart to see my friends and family so passionate about their country and about their rights.  Not a lot of other countries can boast this kind of patriotic fervor. 

It's nice that these elections only happen once every four years.  Heck, we should consider holding them every six years.  The online rants and ravings will finally come to an end and we can go back to focusing on the more important things like sharing those "must share" Facebook posts or risk going to hell.  You know, I guess the day when we become apathetic about our county is the day we no longer call ourselves Americans.  Here's to the fight in all of us!

Day 311: Letter to Nicole...

You opened the door and I wouldn't say your eyes were throwing me daggers but they certainly had the look of unbridled disappointment.  You stood there with your matted hair, black rimmed glasses and baggy t-shirt, focusing all your disgust towards this intruder who was looking to take a spot in your mother's heart, a spot you owned all your life.  No "hello", just a glare.  A long, silent glare.  Heck, I don't think you even blinked.  You figured the flowers I brought were for your mom, some lame cliche gift of affection from another would be boyfriend.  I couldn't tell at the time but rumor has it that when I presented them to you, you were actually surprised and just a little bit pleased.  Hey, I knew any and all paths to your mother's heart would go through you.  For the next few months the glares shortened in length and intensity.  But I did heard on more than a few occasions, "Ugh, he's here AGAIN?!"  Ah, who doesn't like to hear that?  (wink)

That was almost nine years ago and we've been on an amazing journey ever since.  I've seen you go from a gawky 12 year old to a very beautiful, intelligent and independent young woman.  Even though we've only been a family for a short time I can't imagine a life without you.  One of my favorite memories of you was at the wedding.  The ceremony was over and we just wrapped up the part of the photo session with you and Sam.  That image of you and Sam running through the sand to get to the limo just so you guys could plow through the champagne is one of my more cherished moments.  You've had some difficult times in your life, some challenges that many other kids never had to endure but you've made it through them all stronger and more determined.  I know you doubt yourself from time to time and that's ok, we all do that.  But don't ever lose sight of the fact you are an amazing young woman with so much to offer this world. 

Nicole, you've been such a blessing to me.  I can't wait to see how life will unfold before you.  I know good fortune lies ahead of you.  So no matter where life takes you, always know in your heart that I love you.  You are my special little angel.

Much love and Happy 21st Birthday!

John
(aka, Evil Step-Father)

Day 310: The next American Idol...

So I was out driving yesterday and it occurred to me I have a helluva singing voice.  No, seriously (wink).  I hear that a lot of folks like to sing in the shower.  I was never much for belting out a tune while lathering up the suds.  Get in, get out and be on my way.  For me my "studio" was and still is my car.  I don't know what it is.  Put me in a church or any other public forum and my attempts at singing sound more like an animal being eaten alive rather than the sexy, smooth vocals you would hear in my car.  I mean I've got range that would make Maria Carey jealous beyond words.  Compared to me Pavarotti sounds like the 4th place finisher at Karaoke Night in a crappy ass bar outside Provo, Utah. I can nail the high, screechy notes like Axel Rose in "Sweet Child of Mine" as well as the deep, smoldering tones of Lou Rawls in "You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine".  And don't get me started on Jesus Christ Superstar.  I could literally play all roles simultaneously.  "JESUS!!!! You've started to believe the things they've said of you...."

And it's not just singing.  I'm the best seated dancer you'll ever find.  Shakin' dat booty down the freeway, baby!  Never mastered the air drums but my air guitar skills are beyond compare.  Over the years I've refined my technique of driving with my knees so I can rip through the guitar solos of "Free Bird" and "Enter Sandman".  Now if only I had the big hair, then my car-driving, rock star persona would be complete.  Yeah, they REALLY need a suburbia version of American Idol.  If for no other reason than to give us wanna-bees an opportunity to show case our wicked, albeit delusional, skills. 

ROCK ON!!

Oh, and just a side not to all you radio stations that claim to be "Classic Rock".  If your menu of songs includes anything from Cheap Trick, John Mellencamp or Rush or if the only song you play by the Eagles is "Hotel California", then turn in your Classic Rock card and change your format to something like farm reporting or talk radio.  You've soiled the name of "Classic Rock" long enough.  To be a true classic rock station you must have the courage to take those old LPs, flip them over, and play the awesome B side songs that were more often than not better than the "popular" songs of their day. 

Day 309: Zzzzzzzz... Not!

"2:50 AM.  Oh for the love of God!  You've got to be kidding me.  I'm up, awake?  On a Sunday morning when I should be sleeping soundly you're telling me it's time to get up?"

Yep, that was the little conversation I had with myself this morning.  Un-frickin'-believable!  This is suppose to be the one morning where I can catch up on a little lost sleep from the past week.  But oh no, not me.  Fall's daylight savings time is one of the favorite times for most people.  They all say how much they'll get to enjoy an extra hour of sleep.  I never really understood that considering it's Sunday and unless you go to some sunrise service you can pretty much sleep in as long as you want regardless of the time change.  For me, though, the time change means I'll be getting up an hour earlier.  My body pays little attention to the workings of my alarm clock.  Apparently I've got some internal clock that wakes me within five or six hours from the time I went to sleep.  Maybe it's that damn, old Army recruiting slogan that must be embedded into my genetic make up... "We do more before 9:00AM then most people do in an entire day."

Man I can still recall my youth where I could sleep in until 11:30 or so.  The only thing that would keep me from sleeping in longer was my dad blasting the stereo with the sounds of screeching Scottish bagpipes, Native American Indian chants or old German military marching songs.  Even in college when I had ROTC field exercises I would freak out if I didn't get my eight hours of sleep.  Now I can stay up past 10:00 and wake up at 3:30 or 4:00 and be ready to go.  What the hell?  Why can't I be normal?  But I guess to look at the positive side, being an early riser does kinda play into my wheel house.  I do enjoy my solitude.  Whether it's to head out on an early morning hike/photo safari, or working on my computer processing photos or my absolute favorite, watching old movie classics, it is a pretty enjoyable time of the day (night) for me.

But still, only six hours of sleep a night.  Is this an old person thing? 

Day 308: What I choose to remember...

You've seen those phenomenal athletes that stayed in the league a few years more than they should've, putting a slight tarnish on their otherwise stellar career.  But as time goes by you forget Joe or Brent's journeyman years and just remember their glory years in San Francisco and Green Bay.  I saw my grandfather just days before he died, lying there in his hospital bed, a shell of the man he use to be.  We had our run-ins from time to time which included getting hit when I was a teenager but I can tell you honestly that when I think of him now I remember him taking me on errands around San Francisco, sitting with him in his office watching "Sports Challenge" or as a child how he'd lift me up by my belt and swing me around.  He was a great man in many respects but like the rest of us had his fair share of flaws.  The point being, no matter how they finished their careers or how they crossed the finish line of life, the things that made them great are the things I choose to remember. 

Today we're in the midst of another family drama where lines have been drawn by those who seek not the greater good of the family but to ensure their place in the hierarchy of inheritance.  The unfortunate and sad part of this is the inability of those who should step up and do what's right are lacking the courage to do so.  I understand it's mostly because some folks don't like confrontation but for all of you that say you're non-confrontational, your actions and inaction are the source of confrontation, especially for those around you.  To say you're non-confrontational is in many ways admitting you're a selfish person.  You create an environment of unrest, putting the rest of us in a position of having to quell the emotional uprisings that you've created.  I'm not saying we all need to be bullies but we need to understand that sometimes life requires us to step into the ring and fight for what is right.  Doesn't mean we have to fight dirty but we need to struggle sometimes to ensure that we fight for truth and integrity and sometimes that means fighting for those unable or unwilling to do so for themselves.

I've had my fair share of struggles with people throughout my life, some more vicious than others but of all those one-time adversaries I hold no ill will.  Whether it's my grandfather, my ex, an old classmate or work colleague, I remember the good in them and enjoy the fond memories created years ago.  Hey, there was a reason they were in your life in the first place.  As struggles persist, eventually there will come a time when enough is enough.  When you've done all you can do, when you've been honest and true to yourself and to those around you, eventually you have to lay down your sword and basically say "goodbye" to the hurt and move on to the loving memories of the past and the promise of tomorrow.  It's not saying that you've compromised or conceded the battle.  What it means is that you've expressed your true self.  You've expressed what you feel is right and no amount of fighting will make any more of a difference.  As they say in business, it's a point of diminishing returns.  For those combatants, even after their so-called victory, they will continue to fight, fight for anything because within them is an abyss, a black hole within their heart, a fire, if you will, that burns for relief.  Perhaps that's the hell our religions speak of, the unquenchable fire that ultimately pulls us into our own abyss. But even for those dark-hearted souls, I still love and appreciate them for who they are and will always cherish the good memories.  I just pray that they would step away from the edge.

I choose to remember the good in everyone I've met in my life because everyone, and I mean everyone, has some amount of good in them.  We  may allow other things to manipulate our personalities and drive our behaviors but deep down there's still that sweet, innocent child in all of us, the one that plays freely, laughs loudly and loves unconditionally.  And who doesn't love a child?

Day 307: I AM a "Brat"...

I’ve kinda dreaded this moment ever since I decided to do this blog.  I knew I would need/want to say something about my experiences as an Army Brat.  So much has been written on the topic and far too many, more eloquent people have described the lifestyle I lived for the first 18 years of my life but this is just something I have to do.  I hope I can do it justice.  

Military Brat (Wiki definition) - "Military brats" (especially current and former children of career military families) are largely viewed by themselves and by those who study them as a distinct, 200 year-old American subculture, with millions of members.[1][2] The age of the phenomenon has meant military brats have also been described by a number of researchers as one of the America's oldest and yet least well-known and largely invisible subcultures.[2][5] They have also been described as a modern nomadic subculture.[5]

I’ve read "Band of Brothers" and recently read the book "Blackhorse Riders" and it occurred to me we Brats were soldiers too.  I would never presume to say our experiences were on par with those combat Joes that fought and died in Vietnam or any other conflict, but our "battles" were just as searing in our minds and hearts as those who spilled blood.  We didn't share a foxhole, we shared a classroom.  Our fathers spent RnR (Rest and Relaxation) in Hawaii.  We spent ours at the Teen Club.  Our fathers fought an enemy in the rice patties of Vietnam.  Our enemy trolled the grounds of Mannheim or Augsburg High School.  A soldier lost a buddy during a firefight.  We lost friends when fathers were reassigned back to "the world".  

I guess Wiki is right, we are a subculture.  We had diverse personalities and upbringings but shared a similar life style.  Regardless of our temperament or ambitions we mainly wanted to assimilate and fit in as quick as possible.  There was no time to sit and wait for life to happen.  We dove head first into relationships and activities.  It was a hard thing to do when every two to three years we had to reinvent ourselves in a new community and a new school.  We grew up fast and on the move.   I often think of my friends and experiences and can't help the tears that well up in my eyes.  In some ways I owe my very existence to those that fought the good fight with me. They helped me survive the awkwardness of youth and the insecurity that came not just with the transition from childhood to young adult but trying to find my identity through an ever changing set of mailing addresses and schools. At times we shared a harsh existence with very little outlet with the exception of each other.  I don't think high school bonds are unique to Brats but the "battlefields" where they were forged definitely were. 

At the time I never understood why my high school reunion in October of 2000 in New Orleans affected me so much.  But since then I’ve had time to think on it and it’s clear that we were and still are a “Band of Brothers and Sisters”.   How do you explain knowing someone for only eight months of your life but they maintain a place deep in your heart as if they were family?  I guess in many respects we are family.   A Brat can text to a friend “KC” and they’ll know exactly what that means.  I get really nostalgic when I hear Earth, Wind and Fire or Marvin Gaye on the radio.  Like a time machine they take me back to a very special time in my life that most folks don’t quite understand except those that were there with me.  

In many ways it was a hard life but I have no regrets nor would I change any difficult, hurtful or awkward experience I had.  They were all sources of strength that have sustained me these 50+ years.  I wear them as badges of honor.  I’m proud of where I’ve been and I’m proud to call myself a “Brat”.  I suppose this all sounds self-indulgent but please believe me when I say it’s not that we Brats want to be praised; we just want to be understood.