The big day had finally arrived. All the prep work done and we were ready for launch. The procedure as a whole went much better than I thought. The good folks of Kaiser had me in and out in no time. But things certainly weren't all I thought they would be. The room where the procedure was performed wasn't quite what I expected. I was handed a skimpy little gown and asked to go make myself comfortable. When I returned to the room after freshening up (one last "expulsion") I found the lights were dimmed with a few lit candles about the room. I could hear Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get it On" playing through the sound system and I could see two glasses of wine by the bed. I'm normally not one to drink wine so early in the morning, usually preferring mimosas, but I thought it best to just follow along.
The nurse told me to relax, saying the doctor would be here in just a moment and "by the way, she's really cute.". "She's" really cute? A woman doctor? Oh, this can't be good. When I had my vasectomy it was also at the hands of a woman doctor. Coincidence? I'm beginning to think not. Well I will say this, the nurse was absolutely right. The doctor was gorgeous. With as much charm and sex appeal one can muster with their ass hanging out of a hospital gown, I greeted the doctor with a provocative "Hey, how you doin'?" Yeah, it pretty much went down hill from there.
I don't think I was completely out during the procedure because I vaguely remember feeling "something" poking and prodding me which got me thinking "oh man, I hope I don't go to the bathroom right now". The other weird thing is I kept hearing Morgan Freeman's voice say, "I wish I could tell you John fought the good fight, and the Sisters let him be..." Probably wasn't a good idea to watch "Shawshank Redemption" the night before a colonoscopy.
For all the advice I received, thank you all. Yep, worst part of the whole ordeal was the prep work leading up to the actual exam. No solid foods for 30 hours, drinking the "poo juice" and living on the toilet for 14 hours were pretty much the low points. But the procedure went very well, much quicker than I thought. Results were excellent. Nothing there that shouldn't be. So I'm all clear for another ten years. Wonder if I could request the same doctor????
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