Day 287: This time it's harder...

It's been a time that tests ones faith, especially for me.  I've felt that as I've gotten older I've been able to be a bit more level headed, more compassionate and forgiving in response to tragic events.  I've been able to look beyond the hurt and feel God's love and know that He is there with us all.  The recent discovery of little Jessica Ridgeway's body is really putting me to the test.  I had a horrible feeling that the body they discovered Wednesday might be Jessica but I still held out hope that somehow she would be found ok and returned to her family.  The announcement yesterday from the Westminster Police Department brought all that hope crashing down.

It's weird that I lived in such a jammed packed place like Orange County, California for 20 years never feeling quite connected to anything that happened in my community.  Heck, our homes were all butted up next to each other but I couldn't tell you who most of my neighbors were.  There were horrible tragedies, just as you'd find in any town in America, but there was this kind of insulation that kept you from feeling any personal attachment to them.  Sure you felt bad but it never lasted very long and there were always plenty of distractions to grab your attention.  But here, living in Colorado, I feel like I'm connected to nearly everything.  The shootings in Aurora, the murder of a little girl, the fires that devastated much of our mountain communities, all of them have affected me in a very profound and personal way.

My heart breaks for the Ridgeway family.  I can't even begin to comprehend the magnitude of their loss.  But unlike the Aurora shootings where my feelings were mostly about prayer and compassion, this recent incident has brought out an animal-like rage and a thirst for vengeance that I haven't experienced in a long time.  It would be one thing to say there is a sick animal out there terrorizing our neighborhoods and it should be put down but there's a part of me that wants to prolong the inevitable termination of this beast in hopes of somehow exacting some level of revenge.  All manners of torture should be implemented, whether to purge this animal of the evil that dwells within him or just to provide the rest of us some form or retribution.  But I know the more I think about this, the more I want to inflict the same amount of pain an suffering upon this animal as was inflicted upon little Jessica, it won't make things right.  The animal will still be an animal and Jessica will still be gone.  It's harder this time for me.  Maybe because it was a little girl and in her I see my own daughters and I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like to lose either of them. 

These really are the times that test ones soul.  We have to find a way to reconcile this, whether in our minds, our courts, or our faith.  I'm not sure I'm there yet.  For now my prayers are with the Ridgeway family and also for those hunting this beast.  I pray that God's love, grace and strength will give the Ridgeway family some level of comfort and peace in their time of sorrow and despair.