Day 18: Gratification

If I were a bettin' man I'd say the vast majority of people in this country, heck, in the world, experience little to no gratification in their lives.  And the primary reason is that most folks have no clue what gratification really means.  Now I'll bet at this very moment you're probably thinking of a few examples of being "gratified", such as eating till you're full or buying that car you always wanted.  But we all know those little accomplishments are only temporary.  We'll be back in the kitchen for more food and in a few years we'll be looking for a new set of wheels.

What I just described above is not gratification but rather temporary satisfaction.  The difference between the two is that one leaves you wanting more, the other leaves you feeling complete.  It's my personal belief that as individuals, as a community, as a country we are not gratified.  Think about that for a moment.  We are a country of people always wanting more.  We live beyond our means because we have a superficial need that must be met.  We want the latest and greatest toys and fashions.  Our corporations have a need to acquire more, to be bigger, richer, and usually at the expense of others.  Enron, Fannie Mae, AIG... do any of those ring a bell?  And why is that?  There's a hole in our collective selves that can't be filled. 

The Rolling Stones immortalized this plight with their song "...I can't get no satisfaction!"  Being satisfied, being satiated, is only temporary.  You'll always be coming back for more.  Gratification is when YOU feel truly good about yourself.  It has nothing to do with anyone else.  To sit alone and feel good about you.  Feeling that you've achieved a better version of your perfect self.  The person you want to be.  The person YOU know resides within you.  Think about it.  When was the last time you felt good about yourself after belittling someone?  When was the last time you felt good about yourself when you ate or drank to excess?   Probably never.  But think about how you felt when you helped someone without recognition or reward.  Think about how you felt when you accomplished something that was beyond your perceived capabilities.  Huge difference there.

In the work place, at least in my work place, there are so few opportunities to achieve gratification.  You never feel that you've competed anything and so few things you do have any apparent value.  For me gratification comes in my personal life.  There are things I set out to achieve, not for recognition, but to fill a void that I know dwells within me.  It's an opportunity for me to be someone better.  Once I've achieved those things, I feel gratified and am freely able to move on to the next thing in my life.  I've discovered that the more I pursue gratification, the less I try to satisfy impulsive desires.

Here are just a few of the "empty calories" in life we tend to indulge:

1. We gossip or complain about others.
2. We feel the need to always be right.
3. We expect others to like us.
4. We worry about what others think.
5. We worry about our appearance.
6. We spend a lot (clothing, shoes, gadgets, cars, etc).
7. We seek praise.
8. Excessive eating or drinking.

What holes are you trying to fill?  What is missing in you that compels you to indulge?  As opportunities pour into you, is your life a colander or a cup?