Day 357: Family fun...

I think they need to create a video game about grocery shopping.  With the ever growing obsession over these ultra-reality combat games like Men of War why not have a game about something more close to home?  I mean think about it, those clowns that are all into these combat video games, how close are they EVER going to get to the taste of real battle?  Now grocery shopping, that's a real life danger that lurks on nearly every street corner of every town.  To survive the battle grounds of your local grocery store takes great cunning, steal nerves and cat-like reflexes to overcome the killer obstacles that await you on every aisle. 

So here's how the game unfolds....

The commander (wife) issues the orders (grocery list), and I'm sent off on a suicide mission (shopping during mid day on a weekend at a local King Soopers) to capture a cache of supplies (food) that would sustain the unit (family) for the next week (Christmas dinner).  A quick recon of my AO (checking the aisle directory) and I'm off on my mission.  Now keep in mind the enemy comes in many forms, each more deadly than the next.  There's the "lost man" (husband) who is mostly oblivious to his surroundings and looks more like he'd prefer to impale himself with an asparagus spear than carry on with his mission.  He's usually easy to overcome, just try to avoid him.  Next is the shelf stocker.  They, too, tend to get in your way although they can provide an updated map of your AO (give you directions) to your objective.  There are the "tailers", the ones that seem to follow you down every aisle always looking for the same thing you are and will always get the last item before you do.  The real frightening ones are the "Mad Mama's", the ones that barrel down each aisle in their mechanized chairs, plowing through all the displays, smashing through shopping carts and will pin you against the baking goods if you're not quick and agile.  The real trick to the game is trying to locate all the food stuffs without seeking the help of the "Oracle", the mystical store clerk that knows where everything is and all the names they go by.  So for example, when searching for the "crispy onions", you can try to find them on your own but that's a near impossibility.  Remember you only have so much time to complete your mission before your commander radios (texts) you to determine your location, i.e. "where the hell are you?!"  See, you might think these "crispy" onions would be in the produce section but only the Oracle knows that they in fact are located in the canned vegetable section, on the bottom shelf in a cylinder shaped cardboard container.  No mortal would ever know such a thing. 

Great gift idea, huh?  I mean there's so much potential here.  You can have different levels like Clothes Shopping With Your Wife, Parent/Teacher Meetings, or my favorite, Getting a Physical scenario.  Who needs shoot 'em up games when you could be playing the games of life?  Hey, I think I'm on to something here....