Had a nice session with my trainer/therapist today during my lunch break at the track. In between sprints our conversations centered around issues we've been having with people. It seems that for whatever reason we've managed to piss off a fair amount of folks lately. The story always plays out the same. Someone gets mad at us and treats us like crap. We get our feelings hurt and immediately ask ourselves the question, "What did I do wrong?" Ever notice that no matter what bad thing happens to us, we almost ALWAYS ask "What did I do wrong?" Why is that? Why do we always assume we're the problem? Hey, we just might be the problem but why always assume that if it wasn't for us, there would be peace and harmony in the universe?
You can worry yourself sick over why someone doesn't like you. I use to but as I've gotten older I care less what other people think of me. It's not that I'm being a jerk about it (at least not completely), it's just that I realize I have absolutely no control over what someone thinks, good or bad. Sure, I prefer a good review. Who wants to be a Ben Afflect movie? But on the other hand, I'm not looking for an Oscar either. I'd like to think that if I'm working hard to be the best version of myself, maybe others might look at me and say, "Bit of a dork, but he's an OK guy." If you're truly being yourself and you're doing your absolute best to be the best person possible, being generous, compassionate and selfless, then you've done all that could ever be expected. More often than not someone won't like you for one of two reasons.
They don't know you, or
You screwed up.
Now even if you screwed up, it probably wasn't due to any malice but if it was, then you already know what/who the problem is. But generally people don't like us because they fail to understand us. And trust me, I've been guilty of that more times than I can count. I've had plenty of bad opinions of other people only to have those perceptions drastically change once I took the time to get to know and understand them. Sure, there are professional assholes out there but their numbers are rather small. Most of us are pretty decent folk that from time to time aren't well polished. If you're mad at someone or someone is mad at you, the only way you'll get over it is by sitting down and talking. "I get the impression I've pissed you off. Want to talk about it?" "Hey, you want to know why I did what I did? Let's chat."
Don't be so quick to saddle yourself with the blame. Don't be so quick to judge. Sometimes situations don't necessarily have a guilty party. Many times it's just a lack of understanding. Look for the answers instead of looking for the blame.
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