Guilty Pleasures...

 
We've all got 'em and we're not likely to admit to it but I figured, what the heck.  As I get older I'm caring less what people think of me so here's my list of "guilty pleasures"...

1. Chick films - Yeah, I like my fair share but in my defense I do have discriminating tastes.  No Miley Cyrus films, nothing from the Oxygen or Lifetime channels.  But give me "Devil Wears Prada" (Anne Hathaway!), "Bridges of Madison County" (Clint Eastwood starred and directed plus composed the musical score, enough said), or "Twilight" (the first one, although the Belle character really grates on me).
2. Barry Manilow - Yep, I'm a huge closet Manilow fan.  I will say that at one point I tried to justify it by pointing out that he looked somewhat like Joe Montana, but that was a LONG time ago.  
3. Abba, Bee Gees, Heatwave and assorted other disco bands - Yeah, they're cheesy but you have to admit, whenever a DJ wants to get people dancing, they'll inevitably turn to the disco favorites to get the party started. 
4. Mimosas - I wouldn't normally consider this a guilty pleasure but when I was told by a gay man that mimosas are considered an "effeminate" drink I had to reconsider whether I wanted to share my liking of the drink with others.
5. Bubble baths - Now before you judge, I don't gay it up by adding in candles nor the aforementioned Barry Manilow.  I don't know, there's just something very relaxing about bubbles. 
6. "Lost" series finale - I've actually watched that episode a dozen times through Netflix.  I know most of you didn't follow the series and those that did, many of you HATED the finale.  For me it answered all the questions that needed to be answered but more importantly, all those scenes where the characters discovered their other "existence".... I still tear up when Jack touches his dad's coffin.  
7. People watching - I'm still fascinated by people and for whatever reason I just like watching folks walk by, attending to their day.  In this day and age I need to be careful when doing this.  There's always going to be someone that will assume I'm some pedophile or serial killer.  
8. Costumes - Especially historical stuff.  I love hats even though I don't look all that good in them.  I actually like Halloween and wouldn't mind dressing up for it.  Just never seems to happen.  But NO cross-dressing.  Yes, there are some pictures out there to the contrary but those should pretty much be buried, I hope.
9. Facials - I've had a couple in my life and, MAN, are they awesome.  If you haven't had one you are so missing out.
10. HUGE bowls of ice cream - Chocolate!!  No bowl is too big.  No chocolate is too dark.  I can never get enough.

 I'm sure there are more....

"Still Waters..."

I seem to travel a lot with my job but it's nice when an unexpected surprise reveals itself.  There is this pond along a small, two lane road in Medford, MA, that is absolutely tranquil.  I've driven by it several times but the other day I finally decided to pull over and snap this picture.  I only had my camera phone but hopefully I was able to capture the near pristine natural mirror the water created.  If it wasn't for the speeding cars and mosquitos I probably would've hung out there a lot longer...

"The Unlovables..."

This particular blog was inspired by a dear friend of mine and it got me thinking…

What are the “terms and conditions” for loving someone?  Now before I proceed, I’m using the word “love” as a means of expressing some level of compassion, appreciation, respect, and/or affection towards another.  It’s not intended to be all “running through misty meadows, holding hands, in love with you” love.  In simple terms, just think of it as doing something good for another.    

Sitting with a friend in the hospital, helping someone with their luggage or allowing someone to go ahead of us at the checkout counter, they are all expressions of affection that many of us are quick to share with others.  Expressing our love and generosity with those receptive to the gesture is rather easy.  I mean think about it, when was the last time you saw a really person walk out of a Christmas sermon that wouldn’t shake your hand or say “Merry Christmas”?   Loving the lovable feels pretty good and it really doesn’t take a lot of effort.      

Now, what about those who aren’t so receptive?  The ones that bristle at the mere hint of a kind expression.  Or worse, what about those that actually attack you when you do reach out in an expression of love?  What then?  Now keep in mind, these are folks that NEED love in their lives. 

So, for those folks in desperate need of love, how do we “embrace” them without getting figuratively, or worse, literally, slapped in the face?  “Tough love” is the standard answer.  I think we’ve all heard that one before.  It’s usually within the context of dealing with a teenager.  Confrontational, wild mood swings, hurtful language, constant bickering and complaining.  If you’ve ever raised a teenager then you know what I’m talking about.  Many teenagers simply take on the ugly persona of something we scarcely recognize.  Thank goodness that tends to be temporary. 

But what about the other folks?  The sibling, parent or friend or even the stranger that lashes out on you with unprovoked fury.  These folks are incredibly hurtful and they are more than willing to let you experience their rage.  How do we approach such people?  Engaging a hurtful person is much like trying to save someone from drowning.  All lifeguards will tell you that when trying to save a drowning person you have to be careful not to get yourself pulled under by the victim.  That’s very much the same thing when dealing with a hurtful person.   You need to find a way to reach out to them without being pulled under by their anger.   

A piece of advice:  Resist the temptation to engage in emotional combat.  You need to detach yourself from the person they think they’re attacking.  You may need to make hard decisions that affect this person because you know it’s the right thing to do.  And trust me, they will let you know what they think of your actions.  They will accuse you of everything you’re not.  “You don’t care about me!”  “You’re so damn selfish, you’re only thinking about yourself!”  “If you loved me you wouldn’t do this!”  Any of those sound familiar? 

The last thing you need to do is become emotionally charged over the decisions you’ve made in dealing with this person.  First and foremost, acknowledge to yourself that you truly love this person and that every decision you make regarding them comes from a foundation of love.  From there it’s really just a matter of weathering the emotional storm that gets hurled upon you.  Remember, this person is attacking an image of you, a perception of you.  You are that lightening rod for all things that are poisoning this person’s life. 

If you can honestly say that everything you’ve done was out of love for this person, then there’s no reason to feel regret or to second guess your actions.   The venom that comes from their words and deeds, again, is just a manifestation of everything that they feel is wrong in their life and they need to lash out.   You also need to understand that most likely YOU are the only one that’s actually reaching out to them.  YOU are the only one that’s really showing them love.  I guarantee that somewhere down the road this person will acknowledge your efforts and will love and appreciate you more than you could possibly know because YOU were the only one who was there for them when they needed it most.  Maybe not now or next year.  Maybe not in your lifetime or theirs, but some day, all truth will be known. 

Folks, I know it’s hard.  It really is.  But think about this, would you rather be able to say “I tried” or could you live with “I wish I tried”?

Ok, group hug!!

"Circle the Wagons..."

You know I was never much of a fan of the old western movies.  I guess even back then I had issues with Indians being portrayed as the bad guys when they were the ones being run off their own land.  But politics aside, there is one thing that resonated with me from these movies, especially as I got older.  It seemed most movies always had a scene where a caravan of settlers would get ambushed by the locals and in response they would quickly circle their wagons to provide protection as they fought off the assault.   As I grew up, “circling the wagons” became a metaphor for how I dealt with life’s hardships. 

When you think about it, our lives become a collection of details.  I would argue that we build that pile of details to such a point to where we start to lose our identity.   Now I know what you’re thinking, “Hey, John, I think I know my own name.”  That’s not what I mean.  We spend our lives collecting labels and things to create an image of who we think we are.  Father, Mother, friend, co-worker, chairman, student, program manager, Den Mother, executive, marathoner, photographer, Book Club President, Sales Rep, Club President, etc.  We collect cars, clothes, homes, money, pets, trinkets, etc.  It’s a never ending list of things we are, things we have.  And over time we apply so much importance to them that they become a vital part of our own existence. 

Now I’m not saying that doing any of this is necessarily a bad thing but when it starts to cloud our perception of ourselves then we’ve got a problem.  I can tell you that each and every one of us has had moments in our lives where we’ve been “attacked” across many of these details of our lives, to where we’ve felt surrounded and helpless.  Perhaps our position at work has become tenuous, or maybe we’re struggling with finances.  That expensive car is in the shop or we can’t afford that luxury vacation we planned.  Whatever it might be, the point is we become fearful when the things we have in life are in jeopardy of being lost. 

Moments like these I say, “Circle the wagons!”  Bring in close those things that truly are important to you and keep them near and dear to your heart and let those other “details” fall where they may.  Beyond the love of family and friends, what more do we really need?  Sure, a source of income to sustain our lives is pretty important but that’s a relatively easy thing to do when we decide to simplify our lives and remove some of the details that compel us to want more and to live beyond our means. 

Simplifying our lives by surrounding ourselves with people and things that bring real joy is what should matter most to us.  So forget the expensive trip.  Stay home and play Scrabble with some close friends.  Take your kid out for ice cream and listen to them ramble on about their day instead of giving them money to get out of your hair.  Skip a day of marathon training and take a drive with your spouse to an unexplored part of town.  Clubs will get along just fine without you.  Work will be there for you.  Life will always continue.

So the next time you feel ambushed, just tell yourself, “Circle the wagons”.  And hopefully that will be your cue to pull close to you all that brings joy to your life…

Just take it in....

I thank God for the moments when He tells me to just shut up, stop worrying and just gaze upon the beauty He's created.  Moments like this I think "what lottery did I just win?"

"Be still..."

... and know that I am God".

For those that know me I'm not prone to quoting scripture but this one is my favorite and speaks to me like no other.  I actually had to Google it to find the reference (Psalm 46:10).  Every day we all face some storm, some hardship, some obstacle that produces a level of anxiety, fear or panic that in some cases seems almost insurmountable.  How often do we scramble to find the answer, the riddle to our problems?  We look for some complex set of instructions that will solve our issues related to love, friendship, family, money or whatever. We try desperately to figure out what we must do to solve our problems. We're usually never short on advice.  So many folks are quick to tell you what you must to and how to do it.  Even that can become somewhat maddening and will most certainly add to your despair. 

But you know what I love about this Psalm?  It's so simple yet so incredibly powerful!   It's the trump card for every crapping thing that happens to us.  No magic prayers, no special deeds... just one simple thing... "be still".  Just be still and know that God is with you.  A simple act of faith.  Again, no posturing, no "thine-ing" or "thus-ing", no running off to perform unselfish deeds in order to earn one back (unselfish?).  Just...Be...Still....

So when that next storm comes and we fear for ourselves or those close to us, perhaps we could first pause for a moment, be still, and reflect on the fact that God is with us and through Him ALL things are possible.  Allow that reality to sink in first and then go about the business of healing.

And don't forget your umbrella....

What is my path?

...where am I to go?

...what will I find?

...who will I meet?

...when will I get there?

...how will I know?

Dear Lord, regardless of the answers, please let me enjoy the journey...