My sisters...

..led the way.   They were the leaders.   I was the follower.  They tolerated me.  I tormented them.  They took the brunt of our parent's rath.  I avoided the landmines they exposed.  They were cool.  I was a dork.  They took the blame for things I had done.  They took the scraps of affection from my parents that fell from the my plate of my accomplishments.  They suffered from social pains and hardships.  I skated through life with hardly a scratch.  They never gave up.  NEVER gave up.  They didn't always have the cheerleaders in their corner but I certainly loved them.  More so now.  I hope they've forgiven me my childish ways.  I hope they know that I love them.  I couldn't have asked for better sisters.  "Suz" and Steph, I love you more than you know!!

What we fear....

I remember hearing some time ago that the thing we truly fear most in life is something we've already experienced.  I don't know, for some reason I thought that seemed so profound, especially since it's true. 

I think when you ask someone what they fear, they tend to go right to the dramatic - drowning, being burned alive, attacked by a shark, etc.  Sure, those are all pretty scary things but they tend to scare us mostly because we have no idea what those experiences might be like, with the exception of those few folks that have actually survived a shark attack.    You ask someone who's been through Airborne school which jump was the scariest, most will say it was the second jump.  Reason being is because they know EXACTLY what to expect.  Sure, preparing for that first jump is a bit nerve racking until you jump out of that plane.  Then you know what real terror is.  It's those things that we've actually experienced that bring the most fear into our hearts and minds.

For me, the thing I fear most is letting someone down, and unfortunately I've done that more times than I can count, especially to the ones I love most.  This fear goes all the way back to my childhood.  Letting down my parents (getting in trouble at school), letting down my team mates (almost losing the Bitburg game), up through my adult life - at work, family.  It's the most sickening feeling I've ever had.  Once you've let someone down it's like this huge mountain is placed before you.  A mountain of trust that you have to conquer in hopes that the person you let down would trust you and depend on you again.

I guess the key in life is to accept your fears but don't live within them.  Acknowledge that they are there but don't let them decide how you live your life.  I suspect there will be more opportunities for me to be confronted with my fears but when those times come, Lord, please grant me the grace, humility, strength and love to overcome them. 

Amen...

Pet peeves...

1. Guys that sit on the weight machines with no intention of actually working out but will say "I'm using it.."
2. People that throw trash on the ground, less than 10 feet from a trash can.
3. People talking on their cell while driving, slowing down well below the speed limit but just fast enough to make the light before it turns red for me...
4. People that still write checks at the grocery store... (REALLY, have you NOT heard of an ATM card?)
5. .... and they do that in the "Express Lane".
6. Drunk women who yell "WoooHoooo!" (and some sober women)
7. Fat guys with flabby arms that have arm band tattoos
8. Women with bleeched blonde hair, big fake boobs, see also #6, spending all their time in bars, complaining about how they can't find a nice guy.  You fish in a cesspool, you'll land a turd. 
9. People that don't bathe before getting on a long plane flight.
10. Guys that urinate all over a urinal.  How can you miss?
11. People that leave the toilet seat napkin on the toilet.  Are you so grossed out by your own ass you can't push the sheet into the toilet?
12. Finding a NEARLY empty container of juice, milk, cream cheese, butter, etc. in the frig. 
13. Dirty dishes left in the sink, right next to the completely empty dishwasher. 
14. Cyclists that think they own the road and make no effort to stay within the bike lane. 
15. Runners that insist on running on the road, NEXT to a frickin' sidewalk.  How do you people manage to live so long?
16. You IM someone and as you wait for their response, they eventually change their status to "Away".
17. People that arrange meetings for Friday afternoon.
18. People that insist on taking their 12 kids (at least two are screaming hysterically) to Costco to go shopping.  We all know you're just going their to feed them all those free samples. 
19. Obnoxious Americans that travel abroad.  Hey, Europe doesn't need us like they use to so they aren't all that glad to see us.
20. Getting emails that try to guilt me into forwarding to every person I know otherwise I'm not an American, not a Christian, or I'm just plain insensitve to suffering children. 

That's it for now.....

Couldn't agree more...

Today's daily affirmation from the United Centers of Spirtual Living...

"Sunday, April 25, 2010


Right now, I commit to being accountable for my life. I remember I am not a victim; I am a powerful divine emanation."
 
I couldn't agree more.  You are a victim only if you choose to be.  Try it for a while... for every hardship, obstacle or tragic moment in life, look at it as something that just is, not something or someone attacking you.  Things are only what we make them out to be.  If you truly want this thing called "free will" then don't make anyone or anything responsible for what happens in your life. 
 
YOU are responsible for your life!

Listening...

I look forward to a time when more people put an interest into listening and understanding rather than rambling and pontificating. You’ve heard the term, “all things in moderation”. Well, talking is just one more thing we need to keep in check.

If all you do is talk, all you hear is you. You put yourself at the center and draw all the attention to you. When you think about it, excessive talking is just another form of egotism and self-centeredness. And with that being the case, you have to ask yourself “why do I need all that attention?” And be honest, if you sit there thinking “oh, I listen to other people talk”, are you really listening or just taking a breath while you formulate another opinion?
Spending all your time talking and not listening, it's like rowing a boat with one oar. You'll burn a lot of energy but you won't go anywhere. The simple gratification of experiencing something, feeling something, or learning something is completely lost if you never stop the mouth from moving. Yours is not the only opinion. Wouldn’t you want to know what someone else thinks? Don’t you think it’s possible you might actually learn something new or perhaps gain a new perspective on something when you hear it from someone with different life experiences? Personally, I enjoy the little surprises of discovery when I’m told a story through someone else’s eyes.
If you can’t recall the last time you sat still and heard the sound of birds singing, or a sleeping dog sigh or just the gentle rush of the wind through the trees, you may be an excessive talker. We’re consumed with questions and have so few answers. Doesn’t it seem obvious that if we just listen a little bit we may start getting some of those answers?
You need to find a balance. Here’s a suggestion - for every story you tell, listen to two. And I mean LISTEN! Think about what you hear and try to understand. If you feel compelled to jump in with your own story, stop, and instead, come up with a couple of questions that would help enhance your understanding of what you’ve been told. Find the connection between you and the story you just heard. Be active with, appreciative and respectful of the person sharing their story with you. Trust me, you’ll find it very gratifying in the long run.
So, that’s my story. I’m listening now….

Hidden treasures...

I really love those moments when I get all pissed off because I got interrupted or delayed, only to experience or discover something I otherwise would've missed if I was on my oh so important schedule.  I think sometimes those obstacles in life are just God's way of getting our attention.  I'm listening..

Don't wait...

The death of a loved one is not the time to decide I'm going to be a more caring and compassionate person. Even though that death may have been the catalyst you need to get moving in the right direction, why wait for that moment to happen? Why not start today, by letting those in your life know how special, how loved they really are?
Funny how when someone dies, we all tend to reach out to the other people in our lives, telling them how much we love them, how much we appreciate them. It makes us all feel a little bit better and many of us even make a vow to do better at showing gratitude and appreciation for those around us. But there's still that cloud hanging over our heads, the one representing lost opportunity. That lost chance to affirm that person for the blessing that they are. I don't want to wait for another person to die before I decide to let the rest of the people in my life know how much I love them.
I won't sit here and babble on about woulda, coulda, shoulda. A friend died. But I know his spirit lives on in all of us. So with that I'll keep him with me as I do all of those that left before me. As he was a blessing to me, it's my prayer I can share that blessing with all of you.

When I need to smile...

... I just think of my daughter...

Bullies...

So I read an article on how nine kids in the New York area are being charged in the suicide death of a 15 year old girl because of "relentless taunting". Response from state governments has come in the form of creating new "anti-bullying" laws.... anti-bullying laws....... anti-bullying laws. Really?
My heart truly goes out to the family of that little girl. I couldn't imagine losing my daughter so I have no idea the depths of the pain they must be feeling now. But all that aside...
A law that prohibits bullying? That’s the answer to this horrible incident? Is this suppose to mean that if anything bad happens in my community, we just need to create a law prohibiting it and it'll make all things better again? Does that make our city and state officials sleep better at night, knowing that by passing some law they've solved yet another problem and provided another case for their re-election?
Outlawing bigotry doesn't make bigots go away. Outlawing harassment doesn't make bullies stop wanting to be bullies. You're trying to legislate how someone thinks and feels. My question is, what got these nine kids to the point where they felt their actions towards this girl we're justified and normal? Where did they learn that emotional terrorism, whether perceived or real, was an acceptable behavior? Well, I have an idea.
We have created a “lost generation”, a generation of misguided kids that have no concept of responsibility, authority, reason, or accountability. They’ve been denied nothing by their parents, well, except for discipline and consequences for their actions. I’ve heard all the excuses - Don’t scold him because you’ll stunt his emotional growth. Don’t keep score because everyone is a winner and we don’t want anyone feeling bad. Give them what they want so they never feel empty. No child left behind.

The bully does what he or she wants because they believe they’re entitled. They can do or say what they want because they have no one to answer to except themselves. They look at the world only as it relates to them. Instead of being part of a greater whole, they are the beginning and the end. And the only reason they are this way is because of the way they were raised. It ALL boils down to parents.
Legislating behavior is just ridiculous. It’s the chicken shit way out of any problem. Instead of having the courage to tackle the problem straight on – the parents – we create new, unenforceable laws that don’t do anything but keep lawyers busy. If you want to go after anyone, go after the parents. And I don’t mean throw them in jail. I mean make it so two people have to earn the privilege to have children. Make it so parents truly understand the huge responsibility for creating a child. Not just a life form, but an integral part of our community.
I wish I knew who coined this phrase, “You need a license to drive a car but anyone can be a parent.” What if it took a license to be a parent? Hmmm, just a thought….

This morning....

The house is quite...dog under foot....a cup of coffee.. and a book my daughter suggested I read.  There are no ordinary moments....

Light 'em up!

Dude! Cali is going to vote on the legalization of recreational marijuana! It's about frickin' time. And if you're curious as to which way I'd vote (if I were still living in California) I'd give it a big fat YES! And not necessary for the reasons you might think.

Legalizing pot would be one of the most “Uh, Duh!” moments in American history. I'm mean think about it. It's something that should've been done YEARS ago. Putting that legal stamp of approval on it now is a way of finally admitting that the emperor has no clothes and acknowledging that elephant in the room. Really, folks, we’ve been delusional all these years over perceived perils of marijuana and it’s about time we took a hard, honest look at marijuana in our society.

This country has blown millions if not billions over the last 100 years in an effort to criminalize the use of marijuana and stigmatize it's users as half-celled sloths in a perpetual stupor eating way too much pizza. (Side note - that description of pot users is a bit more contemporary. Go look for the 1936 film "Reefer Madness" to see how pot users are portrayed as blood lusting, women-raping beasts. Funny, all the people I know that smoke pot are actually very mellow souls). Why so much angst over pot? Our parents don’t like it because they grew up in a generation where only the dregs of society smoked pot. You know… musicians. You watch the History Channel and do a little internet reading and you realize the government was against pot for mostly monetary reasons. Unfortunately they also used it as a way to stigmatize blacks and Hispanics. (Ugh, there’s that “ugly American” again). Money and control are the real issues here. When it comes to pot, the government doesn’t have it. Industry doesn’t have it. The two largest entities that control this great country of ours – industrialist and politicians – have no seat at the table, yet.

It’s great to see California take that first step. Unfortunately the motives aren't what you'd hope for. Ideally the push for legalizing marijuana should be the acknowledgement that marijuana is no more harmful to the person or any more dangerous to our community as are cigarettes, alcohol or prescription drugs. Now I know you old-timers out there will argue differently but there is just way too much medical evidence to the contrary and I’m not about to waste your time here going over those facts. Suffice to say the only difference between pot and those other vices is government control. The motivation here is all money. California is damn near broke and they need cash now. So why not legalize and tax it? For years people have argued against the legalization of pot over morale issues. Funny how morality mysteriously disappears when dollars become the hot topic. Hey, we all have to put food on the table.

Now I’ll be honest, I’m not crazy about marijuana. Sure, I’ve tried it several times over my life and enjoyed doing it, no doubt. But my personal choice has been and always will be a great beer (preferably German) or a nice red wine. Pot just doesn’t do it for me. Pot, like wine, or beer or cocktails, is a matter of taste. Some folks really like it, some folks don’t. Some folks use it in moderation, some folks don’t. But that’s the same for ANY legalized recreational stimulant. (Feel free to include your Lattes and Mochas here, too).

Ok all you government cronies, you need to take a line out of the movie “The Godfather”…”keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer”. Embrace pot, the same way you do alcohol and tobacco. Legislate it, tax it, control the crap out of it. Like alcohol, don’t arrest someone for being drunk or stoned. Arrest them for being disorderly. Arrest them for driving under the influence. Arrest them for selling to minors. Hey, wow, it sounds like we already have a bunch of these laws. So it looks like all you have to do is add “marijuana” and you’re done! Sweet, now go do something a bit more productive, like fixing our educational system.

Here’s hoping California and the rest of the nation does the right thing.

Reader’s Note: I was informed by my daughter that “pot” is a term used only by older people. The term “weed” is more appropriate. Damn kids!

Turn the other cheek...

Ok, I get it now. Hell, after 48 years it finally came to me (while in the shower, of all places). It use to bug me how the minister would rant on and on about "turning the other cheek" when wronged by someone else. The theme here was essentially to take it like a man, don't fight back. Just be a good boy and let things happen as they may. Bull shit! Slap me in the face and the first thing I want to do is punch you, twice as hard. What the hell did I do to you? And, oh, by the way, you'll think twice before you cross me again, you fucker!

But I just realized, for all these years, I've looked at this "turn the other cheek" thing from a purely selfish point of view. It was all about me, how I dealt with being the victim, how I was wronged and the only way to gain some level of salvation or some small amount of vindication was to be the bigger man. I had to just roll with the punches because that's what Jesus did. I would feel better in the long run. Yeah, and I've got a bridge for sale.

I get it now. I finally understand that the victim wasn't me. It was HIM! The guy/gal that was hurting me. They needed or wanted something from me, to gratify themselves, to fill some void that they desperately needed filling. They needed to exact something from me that would fill this hole in them. It would make them complete, better, stronger, happier. And it's funny. Even after they got their pound of flesh, nothing changed. They still attacked me as they did every one else they encounter. As if they couldn't fill that hole. Hmm, interesting...

Now come on, people. You know folks like that. The assholes of our lives that just seem to get under our skin all the time. Don't you think if they found what they needed they would eventually let up? Well obviously they haven't found it yet because they're still pissing you off and you still talk badly about them to your friends and family. Imagine a life where all you did was piss people off? What a sad, pathetic, lonely life you must have if all you could do is take from someone else. And when I say "take" I don't mean steal, like a car or some other physical possession. We take people's time, attention, emotions, feelings, beliefs, direction, perceptions... all the things that make up who we are. When we whine to someone about something, complain about another person, berate someone in a meeting, take credit for something we didn't do, or put ourselves above someone else just to receive some level of recognition from another, we become that asshole that everyone else talks about.

Christ, or whoever you believe in, wasn't saying, "take it like a man". What He was saying was the more you fight someone over what they try to take from you, the more you validate his wanting to take from you. When you put up a fight you let that aggressor know that, yes, there's some value to be gained from attacking me. Yes, I know all you history majors are saying, "Hey, Neville Chamberlain, that didn't work with Hitler". Certainly the health and welfare of our loved ones must be protected. But think of all the things you go to war over every single day. The guy that took your parking spot. The person in line at Starbucks that can't decide what to order. Your boss who has no clue about what you do or how well you do it. We piss and moan and argue over all these things. Really, were those things all that important?

The person that attacks you is a lost soul. If they truly understood their relationship to you, to earth, to God, they'd realized this fighting is absurd. Fighting over these things is like fighting with yourself. Each and all of us is a unique and wonderful expression of a collective whole that makes up this world we live in. Those that "oppose" us are just an alternative expression of us. No right or wrong, just different, unique, special. When you find out who you really are, and I mean REALLY are, the issues, or battles, become meaningless.

Turning the other cheek means giving that other person an opportunity to discover that what they are fighting for has no meaning and contains no reward. Each time you turn that cheek you give them another opportunity to realize how futile their efforts are and you lead them on the path of self-discovery. By doing that we all become the victors.