Day 359: This moment...

Over the last several years I've been practicing to be "in the moment", to appreciate where I am now and not dwell on the past nor fret over things that may or may not come to pass.  There are a number of great authors that "preach" this not so new but overlooked perspective.  The books by Eckhart Tolle, such as "The Power of Now", are very insightful and really help to focus all your energies towards the moment at hand.  But I will say at this time of the year and especially on Christmas Eve it's pretty hard staying in the moment.  As a kid all I could think about was Christmas morning and all those gifts under the tree.  I was so consumed with anticipation that getting any kind of sleep Christmas Eve was a near impossibility.  Yes, one year I actually did try to wake my parents at 4:00 in the morning to open gifts.  That really didn't go over too well.  But as I've gotten older I find myself anticipating less and reminiscing more.  I reflect on Christmas' past and all the wonderful memories they conjure up.  I won't bore you with those details but suffice it to say I think we all have our own collection of Christmas memories and I'm sure we're all reflecting on them now.  The silly little traditions, the unique stories of family and friends, they all fill us with a sense of longing and a wonderful reminder of what Christmas is all about.

But not all of my thoughts are in the past.  I am looking forward to the day I can spend Christmas with my folks, my sisters and their families.  I look forward to the day when my daughters marry, have kids and once again I'll be able to see the excitement of Christmas through the eyes of grandchildren.  But for now I'm in this moment, writing this blog, drinking my hazelnut coffee, with a house full of obnoxious dogs all playing on my last nerve.  But I can't imagine any other place I'd rather be.  Well, I wouldn't mind having the rest of my family with me.  So "being in the now" I'll continue to reflect on Christmas memories and look forward to creating many more.  I might have to blot out the one where we thought it would be an awesome idea to watch someone else's dog during Christmas, bringing the total number of canines in the house to five plus one cat.  Where's the spiked eggnog?

Day 358: Almost there...

Wow, I cannot believe I'm in the single digits now.  Less than 10 days left on my 365 blog.  I remember when this whole crazy thing started and how I had to constantly NOT remind myself I had over 360 days to go.  It's been quite a ride.  Like a marathon, though, it seems the closer I get to the finish line the harder it is.  "What?  I still have two miles to go?!  Shit!!"  Alright, let's finish this thing strong. 

Like everything in life, including life, all things must come to an end.  But don't forget that all these endings are just a prelude to new beginnings.  I know it's tough to deal with at times.  With the year winding down depression grips a lot of folks much more than at any other time of the year.  Thanks to our calendar it conveniently segments our lives into beginnings and endings and it forces us to look at a small period of time in our lives with some arbitrary measuring stick to determine our self worth.  But for some of you that may be feeling down right about now, let me ask you this.  When looking back on a year, oh say 10 to 15 years ago, does it bring back any of that same melancholy that you're feeling right now?  I would bet it doesn't.  You'll have memories of different things that occurred in your life, some good and some not so good, but I'd bet you wouldn't have a lot of memories of feeling depressed, at least not the way many of us do at this time of the year.

So let me ask this of you or at least let this be my prayer for you, when those feelings of depression and failure start to creep into your mind just say "Edit!"  Take those thoughts and edit them out of your mind and your heart.  I know it'll be harder for some but do try to hold onto the blessings that you've experienced every day of your life.  No matter how your holiday preparations are going, no matter how this year has turned out for you, finish strong.  Finish with the knowing that this has been another wonderful year for you and look upon the year to come with great anticipation because amazing things are coming your way and the rest of us can't wait to share in your joys and triumphs. 

Day 357: Family fun...

I think they need to create a video game about grocery shopping.  With the ever growing obsession over these ultra-reality combat games like Men of War why not have a game about something more close to home?  I mean think about it, those clowns that are all into these combat video games, how close are they EVER going to get to the taste of real battle?  Now grocery shopping, that's a real life danger that lurks on nearly every street corner of every town.  To survive the battle grounds of your local grocery store takes great cunning, steal nerves and cat-like reflexes to overcome the killer obstacles that await you on every aisle. 

So here's how the game unfolds....

The commander (wife) issues the orders (grocery list), and I'm sent off on a suicide mission (shopping during mid day on a weekend at a local King Soopers) to capture a cache of supplies (food) that would sustain the unit (family) for the next week (Christmas dinner).  A quick recon of my AO (checking the aisle directory) and I'm off on my mission.  Now keep in mind the enemy comes in many forms, each more deadly than the next.  There's the "lost man" (husband) who is mostly oblivious to his surroundings and looks more like he'd prefer to impale himself with an asparagus spear than carry on with his mission.  He's usually easy to overcome, just try to avoid him.  Next is the shelf stocker.  They, too, tend to get in your way although they can provide an updated map of your AO (give you directions) to your objective.  There are the "tailers", the ones that seem to follow you down every aisle always looking for the same thing you are and will always get the last item before you do.  The real frightening ones are the "Mad Mama's", the ones that barrel down each aisle in their mechanized chairs, plowing through all the displays, smashing through shopping carts and will pin you against the baking goods if you're not quick and agile.  The real trick to the game is trying to locate all the food stuffs without seeking the help of the "Oracle", the mystical store clerk that knows where everything is and all the names they go by.  So for example, when searching for the "crispy onions", you can try to find them on your own but that's a near impossibility.  Remember you only have so much time to complete your mission before your commander radios (texts) you to determine your location, i.e. "where the hell are you?!"  See, you might think these "crispy" onions would be in the produce section but only the Oracle knows that they in fact are located in the canned vegetable section, on the bottom shelf in a cylinder shaped cardboard container.  No mortal would ever know such a thing. 

Great gift idea, huh?  I mean there's so much potential here.  You can have different levels like Clothes Shopping With Your Wife, Parent/Teacher Meetings, or my favorite, Getting a Physical scenario.  Who needs shoot 'em up games when you could be playing the games of life?  Hey, I think I'm on to something here....

Day 356: We all want playing time...

When I was a sophomore playing on the varsity football team in Heidelberg all I wanted was a little playing time to prove I was good, that I could compete with the big guys and that I could contribute to the outcome on the playing field.  You know in life we worry about being superstars.  I don't mean living the life where we hob knob with celebrities and get chased by paparazzi.  We want to be superstars in our own lives.  We want to do well at work, in our relationships and our hobbies. It's all about expressing that creative entity that resides within us.  Call it our spirit or whatever but it begs to come out.  Even the most recluse person wants to demonstrate who they are even if it's only to himself. 

There's a fine line between just wanting to express and create who we are and succumbing to vanity that seeks the praise and approval of others.  Vanity isn't necessarily a bad thing.  In it's purest form it's a sense we have deep down inside our very souls that we matter, that we have a gift, that there's something special  and unique about who we are and personally I know that to be God's constant reminder that He loves us.  I think that if someone truly felt, from their very essence, that there was no worth to their existence they would just disappear into the faceless crowd never to be seen or heard from again.  Folks like that, I think, tend to be the one's that go off quietly and end themselves with no fanfare or breaking news headline.  I can't help but feel that in some way these mass killers we've seen this past year know within themselves there's was something special about them but through a life time of unfortunate events never received the acknowledgement of who they are and therefore took their vanity to such hideous lengths that they destroyed the lives of so many. 

I know this is just dime store psychology but it's just a perception I have.  I'm not looking to protect the criminal.  On the contrary, the chick shit killer got off easy taking himself out.  I had more "stimulating" ways of dealing with such monsters.  I don't think inviting big government into our homes to solve our psycho kid problems is the answer too, unless we want to consider mandating that you have to have a license to have children (said tongue in cheek).  Perhaps I'm taking a simplified view but aside from the exceptionally rare cases of genetic predisposition towards violence, I feel that the "village" that's raised these monsters failed.  These killers, often described as "disengaged" became that way because no one engaged with them, most especially their parents.  We've become a society where the computer, iPhone and XBox are now the babysitters.  "As long as Johnny is quiet in his room not disturbing me then all is good in the world.  Hey, I've had a rough day, I don't have time to go chit chat with my kid about some homework assignment."

Is it painful at times to listen to your child drone on about some childish topic?  You bet, but it's THEIR topic and right now it's the most important thing in the world to them.  If you don't acknowledge that then you're putting your child on a path that could potentially lead to a life of depression, anxiety, insecurity, frustration, resentment or worse.  That doesn't mean you need to kowtow to them either.  Children need to learn that not only what they think matters but that they need to be able to express themselves in a manner that's mature and respectful and that requires discipline, restraint and patience.  Unfortunately those things never get taught during "time outs". 

There's much talk in the media these days about gun control and other legislative controls but I won't even go into that.  Those things are only working to solve symptoms, not problems.  Don't worry, I'm not telling you we need to go out and save the world.  Just save the little bit of the world that's around you.  Showing a little attention, showing a genuine interest in those people, young or old, that fill your lives is a huge first step in saving this world.  Come on, we got a reprieve from the Mayans.  Let's go out there and express who we are and encourage others to do the same.  In life, EVERYONE gets playing time.  

Day 355: A moment of clarity...

I think one of my most favorite Christmas memories was coming home from a Christmas Eve service back when we lived in Heidelberg.  We weren't quite ready to go to bed and no amount of haggling with my parents was going to get me any closer to opening presents so we decided to turn on AFN (Armed Forces Network) and see what was on.  Some old black and white movie called "It's a Wonderful Life" was about to come on and to say I was less than enthused was an understatement.  I'd been dying to see "White Christmas" or "Rudolph" but unfortunately this lame black and white film was all there was.  Remember, back then AFN was a single station with nothing but OLD reruns and week old sporting events.  So anyways, I grabbed a pillow and hunkered down on the floor to try to make the evening pass more quickly.  Like many of you that are fans of the film I was immediately captivated by the story and characters.  I couldn't tell you what I got for Christmas that year but I do remember sitting around our little TV watching this movie with my family and coming away with such a tremendous feeling of joy. 

I know that over the years this movie has been played to excess.  I remember not long ago they played it several times a week throughout the month of December and there was such a backlash that the following years they resigned to only show it once, period!  Well most of us diehards have the DVD so we can see it as much as we want.  It's unfortunate, though, that there are so many that don't like the movie.  I think the excessive play time really ruined it for many.  It's too bad because there's an amazing message there that we all need to hear from time to time.  Regardless of all the crap that's happened to us over the years we've had a pretty amazing life.  And don't forget, YOU have been an amazing addition to the lives of so many others.  I know it's hard to see especially when you're faced with one obstacle after another and you continually see opportunity slipping away.  But life would have a little less color, a little less warmth, a little less joy if YOU were not a part of it.  You have family and friends.  You have no idea how much brighter you've made their lives just by being YOU.

It's easy this time of year to feel down.  Perhaps life hasn't played out quite the way you wanted.  But forget about the "might have been's".  Look closely.  If you stop for just a moment and think upon what you have and all that you've experienced, not only do you have a wonderful life, you ARE that wonderful life and we are all the richer because of you.

Day 354: Slow learner...

Oh yeah, it sometimes takes a while for things to sink into this old noggin. 

Yesterday was my Breck day.  Going to work on my mad snowboard skills.  Conditions were AWESOME!!!  Huge beds of fresh powder to plow through.  Oh by the way, I managed to "intentionally" get air for the first time ever on a snowboard.  First time I didn't quite stick the landing.  Picture if you will this "old gray" face planted in a pile of snow.  But the second time was flawless and if I'm not mistaken I think that was Shawn White yelling, "DUDE!!"  Ok, maybe that was just the little voice in my head.  It was such an amazing day of snowboarding. 

So, you'd think that would've been my big highlight of the day, right?  Getting air and all.  Oh no, that was just a little footnote to the real excitement of the day.  Heading up to Breck it was starting to come down, snow that is.  Conditions on the roads weren't all that bad but for whatever reason by the time I was driving into Breck my SUV decided it was time to do a little fishtailing.  Nothing too severe and nothing I couldn't steer out of.... until I got near the resort.  Going at a snails pace my lovely, not-so-little auto decided to execute a pristine 180.  Fortunately the truck in front of me saw my automotive dance and pulled out of the way as I slid right in front of him into a snow bank.  Colorful metaphors to follow, I found myself thoroughly stuck, only feet from where I needed to park.  One of the Breckenridge ski patrol guys happened to drive by in his pickup and helped pull me out.  So I only lost about 45 minutes of board time but now I had  in the back of my mind that if I had this kind of trouble GETTING to Breck, what the hell will it be like trying to go home with all this snow coming down?  Well, I'll tell ya.....

Heading home it wasn't all that bad, at least leaving Frisco and making my way all the way up to the Eisenhower tunnel.  The roads were surprising clear so I was thinking I'll make it back in one piece.  Ha, how foolish.  Out of nowhere, just before I got near Georgetown there was all this "mush" of snow covering the roads.  Really?  You guys plow every inch of this freeway and you conveniently miss a spot that's all down hill heading into Georgetown?  Well, long before things got interesting I put myself in the slow lane, shifted down and was driving slower than lose laboring trucks you see.  But just as I was thinking all will be fine since seeing about a mile ahead of me clear roads, my SUV once again decided to make my life interesting.  This time I'm talkin' SERIOUS fishtailing.  I didn't completely spin around but I managed to drift into the other lane nearly getting bulldozed by a monster 18 wheeler.  I felt surprisingly calm and once I righted the vehicle I took the exit into GT to avoid the rest of the mush on the freeway.  The roads were clear on the other side of the on ramp so once I was back on the freeway it was smooth sailing.  It wasn't until I got home that I got a wicked case of the shakes. 

So now my little life lesson, after this near death experience, is to get some frickin' snow tires!  Yeah, slap my ass and call me Betty.  I just managed to avoid the expense for the first three years we've lived here but now it's pretty much a necessity.  I tell you, if I had ANY idea back in OC when we bought the Explorer that we'd be living in Colorado I would've definitely gotten a 4x4.  Hey, I love my winter sports but sliding down a mountain in a two ton Ford toboggan isn't my idea of fun. 

Day 353: Being creative...

Ok, a show of hands, how many of you husbands have heard this from your wife, "Honey, I always wanted to get you a girl."  Anyone?  No?  Well, before you guys start jumping to conclusions let me put your deviant minds to rest.

As you may know my wife is an exceptional photographer and she's been mentoring me for as long as we've been together.  Although I'm more comfortable shooting landscapes and other non-breathing objects I do like to dabble in the artsy side of portrait photography.  Unfortunately we don't always get that chance when doing your typical family portraits.  Not many families, and especially little kids, would want to sit and pose through several hours of a photo shoot.  Usually it's your professional models who'll allow themselves to be run through the ringer in order to get "just one more shot".  When someone's paying you to take their picture, you need to be quick, efficient and more than anything else, you need to make the experience fun and engaging.  You start going beyond an hour in those family photo sessions and those smiles will turn to grimaces. 


I've always wanted an opportunity to create portraits based on what I want, not necessary that of the client.  Guess it's the difference between being a photographer and an artist.  Sorry, that sounds pretentious even as I type it.  For me my creative juices will dry up when I feel I'm forced into a type of shot rather than evolving towards one.  Well I finally got my chance to do my own thing.  A friend of Julie's has been wanting photographs taken of her tattoos and we were looking for an opportunity to focus on creating rather than producing.   Jenia is an amazing young woman and was quite the trooper as we worked through a nearly four hour session.  I still have a long ways to go when it comes to creating knock your socks off photos but today was a great learning opportunity for me.  Every time I work with my wife on these shoots I always learn something new.  It's really a wonderful experience when you can work together in an artistic collaboration to create something special.  These photos I've posted aren't the results of one person but rather three individuals bringing their creative talents together.