Day 281: It's inevitable...

1. When you're running late, you'll hit every traffic light.
2. A piece of toast or open faced peanut butter sandwich will always fall face down.
3. Your transmission will fail shortly after you receive an unexpected bonus from work.
4. Your phone will go off mute just as you're baby talkin' to your dog.
5. An English challenged individual, with 30+ items, a checkbook and no understanding of the concept of exchanging money for goods will step in the express checkout line in front of you.
6. Your car will need gas as you're late for an engagement.
7. The one time your team is on TV they lose horribly.
8. For you photographers, while in the middle of Photoshop-ing a highly complicated retouching project that you spent four hours on, your computer will suddenly crash.
9. While creating your patented turkey and cheese sandwich you discover there is no cheese. 
10. The day you feel like being lazy and making it a "movie day", all you can find on TV are Lindsay Lohan or Hillary Duff movies, as well as Paula Dean cooking marathons.
11. When you're hoping to get their voice mail, they pick up.
12. When you need them to pick up, you get their voice mail.
13. When you're surrounded by a bunch of people, with no means of escape, the chili you had for lunch will kick in.
14. The day you decide to take a vacation day from work, an office emergency will require you to come in.
15. On the day of your big social event, a zit the size of Mt. Kilimanjaro will appear on your face.
16. The restaurant you've been Jones-ing to go to will be closed for renovations the night of your big, romantic evening.
17. After a long week and you're heading home from work on a Friday and you need some rockin', pick me up tunes, the only songs playing on the radio are songs by Air Supply, Coldplay, Oasis or Rush.
18. Your absolute, most favorite shirt will get a stain.
19. When you DESPERATELY need toilet paper there will be none.
20. Of the 60 days of record heat and dryness, the day you plan a barbeque is the one day it rains.

The bottom line is, when you need something to be this way, life will almost always conspire against you to make it that way, or so it seems.

Day 280: Things you should never to do when drunk...

I'll say right now this is not an all-inclusive list because I'm sure each of you can come up with a dozen or so "don'ts" but here are several that have come to mind.  As a disclaimer, this list does not imply any association to my personal behavior at any time in my life.  Let's just say they are observations and leave it at that.

So, don't....

1. Text.  Autofill is your worse enemy, don't make things any easier for him.  What sounds coherent is only an announcement of what a douche you can be when unsupervised.
2. Phone.  My folks still won't let me live this down.  I took the "I love you, man!" to a whole new level.
3. Blog, email or Facebook.  No matter how insightful you might think you are, you're just spewing nearly unintelligible tripe that can't be retracted.  "I'm hammered and I approve this statement!"
4. Suggest to your wife/girlfriend to invite her friend over.  It might sound like a great idea in your head but remember, your brain cells are swimming in a river of alcohol induced Cinemax delusion.  This wasn't one I personally experienced but I caught the highlights from a friend who earned executive status in the dog house.    
5. Strike up a conversation with the guy in the next urinal.  You might think you're just being friendly but I can almost guarantee you that your definition of "friendly" will be much different than his.  Your best bet is to keep your head down, avoid eye contact, do your business and get out, fast. 
6. Have sex.  You and your wife might be willing but the third member of your "triumvirate" will be on sabbatical, guaranteed, and that just makes for an awkward situation you can only hope that neither you nor her will remember the morning after.  Unfortunately most women will be able to recap like an ESPN commentator.
7. Talk to your kids.  If you EVER want to permanently lose street cred with your kids, have a conversation with them when you're totally plowed.  That's a Rubicon moment, you'll never be able to return.
8. Photoshop or Lightroom.  Ok, this one may not apply to many of you but if you're ever in the business of processing photos you'll appreciate this.  I've been guilty of this.  Working on photos in the evening, swimming my way through one cocktail after another, only to wake up the next morning to see a bunch of Andy Warhol photos on my computer.  Yikes!
9. Ask for another drink.  The moment you feel like you want another drink is the time to stop.  At that very moment you've reached the point of no return.  Anything beyond this point is a minefield of disaster.  
10. Drive.  That's a no-brainer.  Sure, you might feel you're ok to drive but Murphy's Law says that the night you decide to drive "buzzed" is the night the cops set up a gauntlet of sobriety checks between the pub and your home.  Let's just say I've dodge a few bullets like Neo in The Matrix.  But no more.
11. Follow your intuition.  Remember, that little voice inside your head is just as hammered as you are.  Trust me, you ladies will talk yourselves into doing the unthinkable only to have to suffer the "Walk of Shame" the morning after.  You guys will convince yourselves that you're so much more then you really are, taking the moniker of "F@#k Ball" to new heights.  Dudes, no one wants to hear your old high school football stories, especially the hot chick whose breasts you've been staring at all night.  Eyes up!

Day 279: Tallyho!

My trip to the UK is winding down and it's time to head home. I can't wait to get home to my creature comforts, my beautiful wife and my Sophie.  It's been a long and productive week but now I need to get to where I belong.

So I think it was Bernie Shaw that said "England and America are two countries separated by a common language." I think I know what he means now. Over here they say "Way out" while we say "Exit". At home we say "Men's Room", here they say "Gents". I know, little differences but it's just enough to be charming without being confusing. They still haven't figured out what side of the road to drive on but as long as I kept my head on a swivel everything was ok. London is a great town. A wonderful melting pot of cultures and customs. But my favorite part of this trip was being out in the country side, experiencing the Brits at their very best. They're no different than us with the exception of that accent which was a bit challenging at times to understand but fun to listen to. Even overhearing someone say "asshole" made me smile. Someone could've said to me, "You're a daft prick" and I would've said "thank you".

I did hit a couple of the tourist traps while on this trip. I think by law everyone has to visit Big Ben, Westminster Abbey or Bucky's Palace. But the real, authentic London is found in the small towns and burroughs that make up the greater part of London. The shops and pubs where only the locals tread are the places to go. Fancy restaurants are lost on me. Give me a pub with bangers and mash and a pint of the local ale and I'm in heaven. Sure I'd be helping the economy if I bought tickets to tour London Tower or attend a local show down by Piccadilly Circus but why not drop a few quid at a local pub or convenience store? They need money too, right? For me I think that's money better well spent.



So time to pack the bags and post my last overseas blog. It was a great trip, nice balance of work and leisure. Thank you, Brits, for making this a wonderful trip. Just wish my Julie was here with me. Here's to you, my cousins from across the pond. You put the "Great" in Great Britain.

Cheers!

Day 278: Not impressed...

I guess one of the perks of being on business travel overseas is not having to listen to all the "I approve this message..." crap that floods our TV stations back home. An added perk is I got to miss one of the presidential debates last night.  Oh, bummer....

As I've said before I'm not endorsing either candidate and that won't change because of a spirited debate.  I learned a LONG time ago not to get too excited over commercials, debates or any spewing of rhetoric.  I've witnessed throughout my professional career, outside of the military, that there are many who are incredibly skilled in spinning a good story but can't boil water.  I've met a lot of folks that stumble over their tongues in a public forum but are some of the most capable and accomplished people ever to join the work force.  To say who won or lost the presidential debate is like getting excited over fantasy football.  It's not real and it doesn't mean anything.  Over the decades both parties have used these debates to promote one platform or another, telling the American people exactly what they want to hear only to execute on their hidden agendas once elected.  Hey, I'll have an opinion just like everyone else about how well the candidate "performed" during the debate but it certainly won't sway my vote.

So you might be thinking, "Well, what the hell DO you want?"  Simple, get rid of our current political parties.  In this country it's all about party affiliation.  Pure blind faith.  Look at the Facebook posts of your friends.  You'll see "diehard" Democrat or Republican as a personal identifier.  Why can't we just be diehard Americans?  Why can't we really pick and choose who we want to lead this country based on their personal merits rather than their party affiliation?  Maybe I'm over-simplifying this but it's really not all that complex.  Do what's right, not what's profitable.

Day 277: Another good day...

When we wrapped up our meetings yesterday I decided I'd lace up my running shoes and head out into the UK country side to get a little exercise but mostly to get out and experience my surroundings.  I left the hotel and made my way back to the Windsor castle.  All tolled the round trip run was about eight miles.  Didn't break any records.  No, this was all about taking my time and being aware of everything around me.  It's funny, I know that from time to time I take for granted that I live in a beautiful state like Colorado and as I was running (ok, jogging) yesterday, I could tell by the locals I past they were more interested in getting some where rather than enjoying where they were.  Certainly not a judgement.  Kids were being picked up from school.  Folks were running to convenience stores to get stuff for dinner.  Business men were heading into pubs to celebrate another day of keeping their jobs. Life was just playing itself out as it does in any town in any part of the world.  But I was lucky.  I was able to put aside the day's work and tomorrow's stresses and enjoy the easy shuffle through the little villages and towns leading to Windsor castle.  As they are at home, the leaves here are changing and falling.  There was a cool dampness in the air that felt great on my face as I jogged along the small foot paths.  Crossing streets still kinda freaks me out.  I'm pretty sure that by the time I get use to first looking left I'll be heading home to Colorado and will get plowed by an F150 coming in the "opposite" direction.  Bloody American drivers! 

Day 276: More adventures...

It was another one of those times where the plans and results didn’t quite match up.  Yesterday afternoon I took a taxi over to Windsor Castle all set to get some amazing photos of one of the Royal residence.  Yep, I was all full of myself.  Let me tell you, Karma spanks you not just by your actions but even by your intentions.  By the time I got there the castle grounds were already closed and tourists were making their way home.  There weren’t a lot of great vantage points to photograph the castle and I was in danger of returning to my hotel, a photographic bust.  Oh well, I’m still in the UK, I’m sure I can find something else to photograph. 

As has always been my preference I just walked about town letting my eyes guide me.  To be honest it wasn’t the best of photography days.  I did find several interesting things but for the most part I kept my camera at my side, just enjoying the scenery and taking in my own mental pictures.  I followed the route the taxi took but veered off from time to time to explore different little neighborhoods and hamlets.  Being a bit hungry I stopped in the small down of Datchet at a pub called “The Royal Stag”.  What a difference from American watering holes.  Quiet, easy going blokes taking in a pint, decompressing from their day.  No waitresses clamoring for a nice tip or obnoxious drunks or blaring TVs.  Just gentle folks enjoying each other’s company.   

I ended up walking all the way back to the hotel which was just around four miles.  It really was a great experience but nothing you would see in my photos.  Sometimes you need to put the camera down and just be in the moment.  Sometimes we need to be that twig floating down a mighty river… 

Day 275: Good morning, Yanks!

First full day in the UK!  And I get to spend it in a conference room.  Ok, I'm not complaining...too much.  I got some time down in London town yesterday albeit I was jet-lagged as hell but London on a bad day is better than a good day at work.  I knew the weather called for rain but given the last couple of years in Colorado the definition of "rain" is usually a couple minutes of sprinkles, I didn't pack for the down pour I'm witnessing outside my hotel window right now.  Not a real big deal considering I'll be in meetings all day but I was thinking about going for a morning run and even though I enjoy running in the rain, a down pour is another matter.  Oh well, the Marriott has an awesome gym so I took advantage of that this morning. 


I will say our brothers and sisters across the pond are not much different than us.  Based on the TV shows they have over here they're just as much wired into reality trash, talk shows and assorted TV dramas.  When I talk to the locals I'm still expecting them to speak some other language.  I guess the accent throws me sometimes.  I tried speaking with an accent.  Didn't go over as well with the locals as I had hoped.  Oh well, I guess our sense of humor isn't exactly aligned.