Alone or lonely?

I sometimes ponder over the meaning of being either "alone" or "lonely"?  I think you have to rule out any aspect of the physical.  We've all been in situations where we've been surrounded by people but felt alone.  I'm also sure many of us have been physically isolated but felt content in our surroundings.  I think the key difference is "connection".  When we feel lonely, we feel a disconnection that isolates us from the world around us.  Conversely, when we're connected, through our thoughts, meditations and prayers, we have a sense of self that accompanies us and binds us to everything.   Being lonely is a temporary loss of spiritual connection.  I've been lonely before and the feeling of emptiness can be overwhelming.  Rediscovering that connection can sometimes feel like an impossibility.  But rest assured, that connection is always there.  So when you feel lonely, know that you are not alone...

Where are you going?

Life's possibilites are endless....

Time...

So what is it with getting old that makes us think of our own mortality?  Is it because our bodies don't perform as they did in our teens and 20s?  Is it because we have so little in common with those younger, "cooler", than us?  Or is it that we're losing parents, siblings and friends to time and circumstance?  Perhaps all of the above. I'm 49 years old and I find my mind entertains more thoughts on my legacy than on my mission. I don't know if I harbor the same thoughts and feelings as my peers but I've found that lately the farther I move through life the more my personal compass seems to be askewed.  I think less of ambition and more of spiritual awakening. I pray more and wish less. I look for meaning rather than results. I think of those that have crossed my path and influenced my life and I wish I could reach out to all of them to say "thank you".  I don't think there's a "right" or "wrong" path in our life's journey.  I think the key is realizing we're ON a journey.  I pray I have the vision to realize that and the gratitude to enjoy it. 
 

Courage

This isn't going to be a long diatribe on the definition of courage.  Just something to consider..... Being able to stand by a decision you know to be right when nearly everyone around you thinks you're wrong.  May not be the same as standing in the line of fire or jumping with a bungee cord, but it certainly tests your fortitude.

More to follow....

For what purpose?

It’s disheartening to note that as the years go by that the measure of success, in our professional lives, comes not so much from actual accomplishment but from the illusion of accomplishment. I suppose I lived under the illusion that if one did their job and did it well, the byproduct of such efforts would include modest recognition and steady advancement. I see now that isn’t the case.

I struggle in my faith to remain steadfast in doing what’s right for mankind, placing others above me for a greater good, only to realize that, from a career standpoint, it’s really a path to failure. I’m dismayed by the apparent ignorance of our leaders who seem to be easily distracted and amazed by the new, shiny object. These so-called “deliverables”, that have no intrinsic value, that serve no purpose other than to draw attention, are what determines success or failure in the eyes of those that can significantly influence the life span of our careers.

Performance seems to have taken a back seat. I see, at least in my professional world, that those people who can spin a good story are viewed by their leaders as key contributors to the organization. When I sit in meetings and listen to the self-serving monologues, all that comes to mind is “.. a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” Thank you, William Shakespeare. The ability to create a team, nurture their skills, provide guidance and leadership that ultimately leads to the success of the team is by no means essential in today’s world. Standing before your superiors and praising yourself for all that you’ve accomplished seems to be the true path to success.

I guess my choices are simple. Choose to neglect those around me and pursue the course that best serves my selfish ambitions or continue what I’ve been doing, by accepting the personal gratification that comes with serving others even if it means the possible ruin of my professional life. I’m not sure where life is taking me. I trust in God to lead me and provide for me. Whatever the future holds, I just pray for the strength and the courage to endure.

My sisters...

..led the way.   They were the leaders.   I was the follower.  They tolerated me.  I tormented them.  They took the brunt of our parent's rath.  I avoided the landmines they exposed.  They were cool.  I was a dork.  They took the blame for things I had done.  They took the scraps of affection from my parents that fell from the my plate of my accomplishments.  They suffered from social pains and hardships.  I skated through life with hardly a scratch.  They never gave up.  NEVER gave up.  They didn't always have the cheerleaders in their corner but I certainly loved them.  More so now.  I hope they've forgiven me my childish ways.  I hope they know that I love them.  I couldn't have asked for better sisters.  "Suz" and Steph, I love you more than you know!!

What we fear....

I remember hearing some time ago that the thing we truly fear most in life is something we've already experienced.  I don't know, for some reason I thought that seemed so profound, especially since it's true. 

I think when you ask someone what they fear, they tend to go right to the dramatic - drowning, being burned alive, attacked by a shark, etc.  Sure, those are all pretty scary things but they tend to scare us mostly because we have no idea what those experiences might be like, with the exception of those few folks that have actually survived a shark attack.    You ask someone who's been through Airborne school which jump was the scariest, most will say it was the second jump.  Reason being is because they know EXACTLY what to expect.  Sure, preparing for that first jump is a bit nerve racking until you jump out of that plane.  Then you know what real terror is.  It's those things that we've actually experienced that bring the most fear into our hearts and minds.

For me, the thing I fear most is letting someone down, and unfortunately I've done that more times than I can count, especially to the ones I love most.  This fear goes all the way back to my childhood.  Letting down my parents (getting in trouble at school), letting down my team mates (almost losing the Bitburg game), up through my adult life - at work, family.  It's the most sickening feeling I've ever had.  Once you've let someone down it's like this huge mountain is placed before you.  A mountain of trust that you have to conquer in hopes that the person you let down would trust you and depend on you again.

I guess the key in life is to accept your fears but don't live within them.  Acknowledge that they are there but don't let them decide how you live your life.  I suspect there will be more opportunities for me to be confronted with my fears but when those times come, Lord, please grant me the grace, humility, strength and love to overcome them. 

Amen...