Bullies...

So I read an article on how nine kids in the New York area are being charged in the suicide death of a 15 year old girl because of "relentless taunting". Response from state governments has come in the form of creating new "anti-bullying" laws.... anti-bullying laws....... anti-bullying laws. Really?
My heart truly goes out to the family of that little girl. I couldn't imagine losing my daughter so I have no idea the depths of the pain they must be feeling now. But all that aside...
A law that prohibits bullying? That’s the answer to this horrible incident? Is this suppose to mean that if anything bad happens in my community, we just need to create a law prohibiting it and it'll make all things better again? Does that make our city and state officials sleep better at night, knowing that by passing some law they've solved yet another problem and provided another case for their re-election?
Outlawing bigotry doesn't make bigots go away. Outlawing harassment doesn't make bullies stop wanting to be bullies. You're trying to legislate how someone thinks and feels. My question is, what got these nine kids to the point where they felt their actions towards this girl we're justified and normal? Where did they learn that emotional terrorism, whether perceived or real, was an acceptable behavior? Well, I have an idea.
We have created a “lost generation”, a generation of misguided kids that have no concept of responsibility, authority, reason, or accountability. They’ve been denied nothing by their parents, well, except for discipline and consequences for their actions. I’ve heard all the excuses - Don’t scold him because you’ll stunt his emotional growth. Don’t keep score because everyone is a winner and we don’t want anyone feeling bad. Give them what they want so they never feel empty. No child left behind.

The bully does what he or she wants because they believe they’re entitled. They can do or say what they want because they have no one to answer to except themselves. They look at the world only as it relates to them. Instead of being part of a greater whole, they are the beginning and the end. And the only reason they are this way is because of the way they were raised. It ALL boils down to parents.
Legislating behavior is just ridiculous. It’s the chicken shit way out of any problem. Instead of having the courage to tackle the problem straight on – the parents – we create new, unenforceable laws that don’t do anything but keep lawyers busy. If you want to go after anyone, go after the parents. And I don’t mean throw them in jail. I mean make it so two people have to earn the privilege to have children. Make it so parents truly understand the huge responsibility for creating a child. Not just a life form, but an integral part of our community.
I wish I knew who coined this phrase, “You need a license to drive a car but anyone can be a parent.” What if it took a license to be a parent? Hmmm, just a thought….

This morning....

The house is quite...dog under foot....a cup of coffee.. and a book my daughter suggested I read.  There are no ordinary moments....

Light 'em up!

Dude! Cali is going to vote on the legalization of recreational marijuana! It's about frickin' time. And if you're curious as to which way I'd vote (if I were still living in California) I'd give it a big fat YES! And not necessary for the reasons you might think.

Legalizing pot would be one of the most “Uh, Duh!” moments in American history. I'm mean think about it. It's something that should've been done YEARS ago. Putting that legal stamp of approval on it now is a way of finally admitting that the emperor has no clothes and acknowledging that elephant in the room. Really, folks, we’ve been delusional all these years over perceived perils of marijuana and it’s about time we took a hard, honest look at marijuana in our society.

This country has blown millions if not billions over the last 100 years in an effort to criminalize the use of marijuana and stigmatize it's users as half-celled sloths in a perpetual stupor eating way too much pizza. (Side note - that description of pot users is a bit more contemporary. Go look for the 1936 film "Reefer Madness" to see how pot users are portrayed as blood lusting, women-raping beasts. Funny, all the people I know that smoke pot are actually very mellow souls). Why so much angst over pot? Our parents don’t like it because they grew up in a generation where only the dregs of society smoked pot. You know… musicians. You watch the History Channel and do a little internet reading and you realize the government was against pot for mostly monetary reasons. Unfortunately they also used it as a way to stigmatize blacks and Hispanics. (Ugh, there’s that “ugly American” again). Money and control are the real issues here. When it comes to pot, the government doesn’t have it. Industry doesn’t have it. The two largest entities that control this great country of ours – industrialist and politicians – have no seat at the table, yet.

It’s great to see California take that first step. Unfortunately the motives aren't what you'd hope for. Ideally the push for legalizing marijuana should be the acknowledgement that marijuana is no more harmful to the person or any more dangerous to our community as are cigarettes, alcohol or prescription drugs. Now I know you old-timers out there will argue differently but there is just way too much medical evidence to the contrary and I’m not about to waste your time here going over those facts. Suffice to say the only difference between pot and those other vices is government control. The motivation here is all money. California is damn near broke and they need cash now. So why not legalize and tax it? For years people have argued against the legalization of pot over morale issues. Funny how morality mysteriously disappears when dollars become the hot topic. Hey, we all have to put food on the table.

Now I’ll be honest, I’m not crazy about marijuana. Sure, I’ve tried it several times over my life and enjoyed doing it, no doubt. But my personal choice has been and always will be a great beer (preferably German) or a nice red wine. Pot just doesn’t do it for me. Pot, like wine, or beer or cocktails, is a matter of taste. Some folks really like it, some folks don’t. Some folks use it in moderation, some folks don’t. But that’s the same for ANY legalized recreational stimulant. (Feel free to include your Lattes and Mochas here, too).

Ok all you government cronies, you need to take a line out of the movie “The Godfather”…”keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer”. Embrace pot, the same way you do alcohol and tobacco. Legislate it, tax it, control the crap out of it. Like alcohol, don’t arrest someone for being drunk or stoned. Arrest them for being disorderly. Arrest them for driving under the influence. Arrest them for selling to minors. Hey, wow, it sounds like we already have a bunch of these laws. So it looks like all you have to do is add “marijuana” and you’re done! Sweet, now go do something a bit more productive, like fixing our educational system.

Here’s hoping California and the rest of the nation does the right thing.

Reader’s Note: I was informed by my daughter that “pot” is a term used only by older people. The term “weed” is more appropriate. Damn kids!

Turn the other cheek...

Ok, I get it now. Hell, after 48 years it finally came to me (while in the shower, of all places). It use to bug me how the minister would rant on and on about "turning the other cheek" when wronged by someone else. The theme here was essentially to take it like a man, don't fight back. Just be a good boy and let things happen as they may. Bull shit! Slap me in the face and the first thing I want to do is punch you, twice as hard. What the hell did I do to you? And, oh, by the way, you'll think twice before you cross me again, you fucker!

But I just realized, for all these years, I've looked at this "turn the other cheek" thing from a purely selfish point of view. It was all about me, how I dealt with being the victim, how I was wronged and the only way to gain some level of salvation or some small amount of vindication was to be the bigger man. I had to just roll with the punches because that's what Jesus did. I would feel better in the long run. Yeah, and I've got a bridge for sale.

I get it now. I finally understand that the victim wasn't me. It was HIM! The guy/gal that was hurting me. They needed or wanted something from me, to gratify themselves, to fill some void that they desperately needed filling. They needed to exact something from me that would fill this hole in them. It would make them complete, better, stronger, happier. And it's funny. Even after they got their pound of flesh, nothing changed. They still attacked me as they did every one else they encounter. As if they couldn't fill that hole. Hmm, interesting...

Now come on, people. You know folks like that. The assholes of our lives that just seem to get under our skin all the time. Don't you think if they found what they needed they would eventually let up? Well obviously they haven't found it yet because they're still pissing you off and you still talk badly about them to your friends and family. Imagine a life where all you did was piss people off? What a sad, pathetic, lonely life you must have if all you could do is take from someone else. And when I say "take" I don't mean steal, like a car or some other physical possession. We take people's time, attention, emotions, feelings, beliefs, direction, perceptions... all the things that make up who we are. When we whine to someone about something, complain about another person, berate someone in a meeting, take credit for something we didn't do, or put ourselves above someone else just to receive some level of recognition from another, we become that asshole that everyone else talks about.

Christ, or whoever you believe in, wasn't saying, "take it like a man". What He was saying was the more you fight someone over what they try to take from you, the more you validate his wanting to take from you. When you put up a fight you let that aggressor know that, yes, there's some value to be gained from attacking me. Yes, I know all you history majors are saying, "Hey, Neville Chamberlain, that didn't work with Hitler". Certainly the health and welfare of our loved ones must be protected. But think of all the things you go to war over every single day. The guy that took your parking spot. The person in line at Starbucks that can't decide what to order. Your boss who has no clue about what you do or how well you do it. We piss and moan and argue over all these things. Really, were those things all that important?

The person that attacks you is a lost soul. If they truly understood their relationship to you, to earth, to God, they'd realized this fighting is absurd. Fighting over these things is like fighting with yourself. Each and all of us is a unique and wonderful expression of a collective whole that makes up this world we live in. Those that "oppose" us are just an alternative expression of us. No right or wrong, just different, unique, special. When you find out who you really are, and I mean REALLY are, the issues, or battles, become meaningless.

Turning the other cheek means giving that other person an opportunity to discover that what they are fighting for has no meaning and contains no reward. Each time you turn that cheek you give them another opportunity to realize how futile their efforts are and you lead them on the path of self-discovery. By doing that we all become the victors.